If I have Learned ANYTHING

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If I have learned Anything…

If I have learned anything from this incomplete pass here on earth,
It is not to take things to heart that all seem to judge my worth.
Between the various shades of blues and grays,
Lies so much variety of greens and golden times portrayed.

It is a vicious cycle of deep encompassing darkness
That grasp the very coils of ones brain in the starkness
Of nighttime or amidst the middle of the day,
No one can ever begin to say
WHEN it will reach out its wicked little nails
And penetrate the internal entrails
Of the brain, sending vibrations everywhere,
From the tips of the hair follicles to the base of the ability to care.

It changes ones perspective,
Makes the world seem a little more detailed and defective
As if so many walk mindlessly about
And don’t see what’s affront them no doubt
But is it defense or is it prejudice? You see
For that is what keeps bothering me.

The paranora that comes along with this condition
Won’t let me realize the complete situation,
Or perhaps NO ONE can fully know
The truth of their own soul!

Much less that of others around which they trod
Others that often judge us with words unsaid,
but looks that indicate we don't pass the test,
Judged none-the-less.

But come inside my world for a while as my special guest
and see the line of darkness approaching,
and try with all your might to hold it back its encroaching
like murkiness it will seem from a distance.

Something you can’t keep out by simply building a fence,
for it penetrates the human shell of skin,
and enters into the organs that keep the light within
But it will pass don’t you fear, should you care,
to take a look at what cometh from there,
deep from the wells of depression,
for this little session
will also pass those of us who see it know.
That it is a curtain that eventually will show,
the light behind its veiled material.

And mania will replace it with a sense quite surreal
where you’ll dance and you’ll sing,
you think you have found the answer to everything,
and through the sunshine you will catch the infectious energy
that soon will be spent and back to the lethargy
of feeling the nails grate upon your brain,
and seeing the visions and hearing the voices again.

Those without the empathetic objective,
But to go about their own bubbles no matter how defective
Often making those not allowed inside,
To feel less than denied,
But this one has learned to take it all in stride
And keep up that head no matter what’s going on inside.

For MY GOD doesn’t make mistakes this I know
And nothing this world could over-throw
Or Can change that perspective, although there’ve been times
I’ve wondered what exactly is going on inside.
For I can feel the creeping, I feel the lurking,
I know it is doing its workings!

And YET I face tomorrow, with a little anxiety each morn
No matter what it may bring, there is something for which I am born.
And I hope to fulfill that purpose no matter how small,
One may judge my goal and all,
For MAN’s opinion is not conducive for me
Of what really the quantum world holds, for seldom do I agree.

And that’s alright too, for one thing is certain,
If we don’t agree to disagree then this world is hurtin’
Much more than what we can visibly see,
So I hold the head up that is the TRUE me.

And come what may, come the dark or the light,
I will be here to face it morning or night.
Even if the nights are long and endlessly without sleep,
And the days slowly pass and creep,
Or pacing is the note of the day; along with mania gone astray,
I will attempt to endure it all some intensely personal way.

And it will too pass, and on to another front I face
Ready to do battle with whatever the horizon may embrace,
Sending my way to deal with as I may,
And I happen to choose THIS way;
To believe that tomorrow is a better place,
And with an unsure, scared, yet determined face
I will go into it…

ctrygirl09