The Lighthouse

Coping and Finding Answers
I am posting this basically to vent and get some things out of my head. I am a person who really likes to write, as some of you know by the length of my posts of my replies and I apologize if it ever gets too long, I DO try to restrain myself but oh the words just keep leaking from my brain to the fingertips and almost as if i have no control!

I am going through a very very stressful time right now but I also am very good at utilizing my coping skills:or USED To be it seems,for some reason an intensely stressful situation or an argumentative or uncomfortable environment can literally send me reeling: and from an OUTSIDE source this permeates to my inner core, it comes not from my family and loved ones, but the SOURCE is not the subject, but HOW to overcome the hurdles that we often must vault, crawl under, or sidestep.

I know that stress can affect a bp....and i know it can trigger a lot of symptoms in us for I am an education ADDICT and learn a lot about this disorder....but my problem being:
HOW does one overcome when even the coping skills, the HOTLINE,the thought
and meditation attempts do not work??

When this world overruns even our ability to use what skills we do have to deal with this disorder: by its greed, its thinking always within the "normal" box (they call it anyway), the monetary obsession, the ignorance or sheer inattention to what they do to their fellow man/woman..the ones touched with creativity, unique ideas, inventive ideas, artistic ability, dreamers, creators, and on and on it goes....spurnned or looked as oddities or strange or not conforming!!

Do they not see the tree for the forest??

Do they not see the blade of grass for the wholeness of the lawn?

Do they not see the intricate details all around us??

The grains of the sand that make up the beach?

The small twinkling star that seems so tiny and far away but makes up part of the vast milky-way we all live in TOGETHER?

The delicate sound of the snowflakes as they lightly touch down upon the ground?

Oh I don't know why I am posting such things; but my frustration level is far up,
My tolerance way down,
My coping skills simply out to lunch,
And I just don't know anymore, how to take this ever shifting world,
Such changes!
So many claiming to know what is best for ALL for the common GOOD, when no two of us are alike, therefore HOW can they claim such things and then attempt to enforce them????

OH how that sounds far too familiar to days gone by when things weren’t so favorable for those of us living “outside the box”.

When I consider the rapidity of the changes that this nation is encountering, I am quickly reminded of my OWN rapid cycling, yet in human form they label it and put a stigma to it!

When I think of how I must stay positive, I must believe we aren’t being led as sheep to the slaughter or it physically and mentally effects me (SO I UTILIZE those coping skills QUICK! Be it writing, reading, scripture, quotes of positive nature, photography, beekeeping, a walk in nature which is utterly my salvation, or being with family who love me unconditionally).

At times, I can even feel my heart beating different, my blood moving through my veins, the weight of the clothing on my body along with each and every seam that they hold. Each sound is a sonic boom, each light like staring into a lighthouse bulb......

But that is just it!....

THE LIGHTHOUSE!!

The lighthouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ONE shining light (and ONLY one) I must turn to in times like this.
We must realize it is there all the time!!

I knew writing was therapeutic for me, now I have my proof!! tehee

In the process of just letting my fingers flow over the keyboard, I have found my own answer...the ONE light. The one that has been with me all my life and will never leave me.

I must focus on that when times such as these trigger me, and we ALL must know our triggers in order to even begin to cope.

I know my issues are not life threatening, just life altering, and for that I am eternally grateful to my Lord: for it is just a CONDITION not a curse (as some would have us to believe).

I AM thankful, yes thankful, for the unique perspectives it has lent me, for the creativity that literally builds until it feels it will burst inside me (until I release it through means such as this; writing or other forms of creativity).

I also am thankful for the best support system I could ever have in the love of my life, my wonderful husband whom without, well, much healing would not have occurred. I love him so! AND he loves me UNCONDITIONALLY!!!(imagine that!!!)

I know that no one can take away my memories and love I have within and from others, along with FOR others, I know that NOTHING can change the love I have for my SAVIOR, and I know no human or situation or environment can keep him at bay.

I also know that I am creative, maybe not in everyone's eyes and that is the beauty of creativity, DIVERSITY and personal choice, opinion, and variety of ways to express it!

I know that I am a PERSON FIRST< A CHILD OF GOD!

I know that I am appreciative, awed, and inspired by natural things around me in nature.

I know that I am who I've always been and that is different...but that is ALRIGHT for the lighthouse shines the same for us all!!

WOW writing IS THERAPY!!
Even if it isn't something others would want to read, it sure help to empty my mind where tonight I MIGHT JUST GET TO SLEEP if only for 3 hours, or 2 or even 1.....who knows?

But if you endured this post...thank you and please understand that I needed to post.

Sorry it held no knowledge or helpful advice....but wow had to get ‘er out.....that creative part of us that MUST express ourselves or BURST and wasn't ready to burst!!!
A shocked and bit relieved!

Ctrygirl 2009/1/18

PS; had to go back and change the title...DID have it as STRESS AND HOW IT AFFECTS BPS!!!! This was posted to let others know that I TOO understand the hurdles we face, that I MAY be able to offer a helping hand or a different view of how bipolar is viewed and dealt with on a daily basis.
It basically was to reach a virtual hand out and let others know that they are NOT alone in this narrow path's journey.