This Countrygirl's Mountains and Darkest Valleys

The silence yet the presence...

2010-01-26T08:18:00.004-07:00

Understanding of this weary world is the only thing we have to fear…
sometimes I wish I could turn it off and be comfortably numb and yet, I literally fear losing the knowledge
...the silence yet the presence…. ctrygirl 2010
Pic taken in KENTUCKY by unknown photographer....

Gone but not Absent

2010-01-26T07:04:00.003-07:00

Death is the releasing of the soul back to its true maker.
God, the creator of ALL.
He gave us such a blessing to be together the time that we did get to share. And now he has called home someone we all love and are going to miss so greatly it will seem impossibly hard at times. But something that we must remember always, is that they are in a much better place.
A place where they are healthy, vibrant, smiling, fulfilled, and completely beyond explanation happy. There are no tears where they now live, and there is no pain or sadness, although we miss them far more than words can explain; there a year seems like only a day, so they wait for us unknowing of the length of time we’ve endured without them; as MAN measures time that is.
Among the angels, the saints, and other residents of a place we call Heaven.
It is ruled by our maker God, His Son Jesus is the Prince of Heaven and he takes care of all we love as soon as they leave us here on earth they are in his great light. They are actually with him.
Now some believe that our loved ones are still also with us here, and that as angels they can cross over from one place to another to let us know they love us and know we miss them too (a ideology to which I too subscribe). There are many who believe they can be in one dimension and another at the SAME time and therefore never ever leave the presence of heaven and yet be able to “visit” us in little ways.
Those ways can come from means of what some believe are dreams, thoughts or memories (others call it hallucinations yet many of us KNOW better).
Sometimes it is good to rely and build on memories, sometimes it still hurts so deeply to recall even the good times; yet never ever let them go, never ever leave them dangling or place them on a shelf for another day. NO, keep them deep, keep them freely flowing, and let them encase your soul for they are your heritage, your identity, your mistakes and your successes, they are YOU to the core of your being.
And with intense reflection, thought, and experience…I KNOW they are with us on this plane too, always our guardian angels by our sides.
Plake posted blog 2010
pic of Jesus statue at loved one's graves

Dawning of a New Day author unknown

2010-01-26T06:31:00.004-07:00

DAWNING OF A NEW DAY
Sometimes when I'm weary
And feel I can't go on,
I sneak off to my "special place "
In the light of early dawn.
My place is deep in woodlands;
" God's Country " it's called by some.
When my burden gets too heavy,
I hear my place call, " Come ".
I go there when I'm saddened,
And my heart is aching so;
The beauty and serenity
Help to ease my pain, I know.
It's there that I find comfort;
Sometimes I need solitude.
I feel so much closer to God,
And He gently lifts my mood.
I don't know if it's my special place,
Or the Lord above, Himself;
But somehow when I leave there,
I feel that I have wealth.
Perhaps it's just my being there;
Or maybe it's God's own way,
Of telling me to try again;
It's the dawning of a new day.
~~Author Unknown~~

This is so how I feel when i get to retreat to that quiet place I call terabithia. Encompassed with trees, nature, and only God's creations I feel so serene, so sane, so much closer to my God. It removes the feeling of being just a bag of bones and sinewy muscle to the feeling of being part of a GREATER UNSEEN and UNKNOWN TO MAN purpose. We are ALL a part of a much larger plan than we realize, to this I have no doubt. This unknown author really put into words the WEALTH we all can truly have regardless of our life conditions, our medical conditions, or the hurdles we face each day...start noticing the little things, the fact that you and I and all humans are only a speck in the whole scope of the universe, yet we are entangled quantumly forever, like it or not.
ctrygirl 2010

A note to my momma

2009-12-22T08:26:00.004-07:00

I know you feel so all alone,
but never will you be...
for daughters (and grandchildren and great grandchildren too!)surround your heart and soul
and this i hope you see...
Feel the warmth of loving hugs be they close or distant far
Know that love also emits from one of heaven's stars,
With you always you know that's true
Never doubt HE"S there with you
and your daughters?
well they never will cease
in trying to revealing a love for you so deep.
Dear momma, this is a trying time for you
for all of us too
but darling precious momma....we are always here for you.
Forever and always you're babies we'll be
and together, yes TOGETHER, we will see
that the circle won't be broken....
there's a better home awaitin'
it's just one of us got there before we were ready for the departure...
as if we EVER would have been ready....no...we know that isn't true.
But momma know this, WE ALL SO DEEPLY LOVE YOU!!
Lean on me momma....anytime you need...
for not only am I your daughter, but also always a friend when in need.
I love you momma
Your Ctrygirl

Humiliation and Humbleness

2009-12-22T08:16:00.002-07:00

I hope you enjoy this journey to the REAL internal YOU.
Live in the NOW, don't judge others by your own measurements; for everyone's is different, therefore...you may be wrong.
Oft we mix humility and humbleness with the mistaken identity of unintelligent,montarily lacking, or just simply beneath us. Perhaps we should look at the glass floor on which ourselves stand.

Humbleness and Humility

December 10, 2009
Of Equal Worth
Humility
The notion of humility as a virtue brings numerous images to mind. We tend to envision those rare individuals who humbly bear life’s struggles while downplaying their own strengths. Yet humility is also associated with people whose insecurities compel them to judge themselves unfavorably as a matter of course. The true definition of humility, however, does not correspond precisely with either of these images. Humility is not passivity. Rather, it is an utter lack of self-importance. The individuals who embody the concept of humility appreciate that each human being on the planet occupies a unique place on an infinite spectrum of development. Though they can take pride in their own accomplishments, they also understand that the people they interact with each day are as valuable and have as much to offer the world as they themselves do.

To be humble is to accept that while there will always be individuals more and less advanced than yourself, those on all parts of the spectrum of development can provide you with insights that further your personal evolution. Recognizing these insights is a matter of opening yourself to the fact that not only do others think and feel differently than you, but their life experiences have shaped them in a very different way than yours have shaped you. This means that while you may have a greater understanding in some areas, others will always be able to teach you something. When you cultivate a genuine yearning to know what skills and talents those you encounter have been blessed with, you cannot help but learn humility. You instinctively understand that emotions like envy breed resistance that prevents you from growing, and that being flexible in your interactions with others will help you connect with unexpected mentors.

When you practice humility, you want to become as accomplished and evolved as you can possibly be, yet you are willing to submit to the expertise of others to do so. You understand the scope of your aptitudes yet you choose to eradicate arrogance from your attitude, and you can distinguish the value you possess as an individual while still acting in the interests of your fellow human beings. Humility, simply put, is a form of balance in which you can celebrate your own worth while sincerely believing that every other person on the planet is just as worthy as you.

From the Daily OM a newsletter that I get.Picture Pub.Dom.

I hope you enjoy this journey to the REAL internal YOU.
Live in the NOW, don't judge others by your own measurements; for everyone's is different, therefore...you may be wrong.
Oft we mix humility and humbleness with the mistaken identity of unintelligent,montarily lacking, or just simply beneath us. Perhaps we should look at the glass floor on which ourselves stand.

The Daily OM ; a very inspirational site yet the dailygooddog.com is also SO inspirational; utilizing the pen of the master's own words to uplift and provide soft winds on which to sail.

ctrygirl 2009

Memorial of a Star Passing

2009-12-22T08:10:00.002-07:00

Your smile is always with me,
Your words still perfectly clear,
Your voice I replay often,
Just to feel you near.
I touch your shirt, your shoes, and even the coat you wore,
to feel the comfort of those arms around me just once more.
I love you daddy, yesterday, today and always
I miss you more each day,
they say it's suppose to get easier,
but FOR ME there is no way...
for I've waited for the acceptance,
i've looked for closure too...
but my darling daddy..
NOTHING CAN TAKE THE PLACE OF YOU!
Forever in my heart,
a hole will be present,
yet talking to you daily
I know the love your sending.
From up above the stars and far beyond human site
You my brown eyed handsome daddy are shining ever so bright,
never to dim, never to fade,
For my dearest Buddy, I'll love you this intensly forever...it's just the bond we made...
Merry Christmas darling buddy of mine,
I'm sure the rejoicing in heaven will earthly celebrating outshine..
so shine on dearest daddy...
light up that darkened sky...
and know your buddy's holding your hand
until the end of time.
I miss you more each day my dear daddy.
Happy Birthday and Rejoice with the Lord this Christmas,
selfishly I wish that it was with me instead.
Forever and ever yours
your ctrygirl buddy

Reflection

2009-12-10T23:28:00.005-07:00

Reflection,
What is it?
From where doth it come?
Creeping upon
and without permission,
but how gentle the fall:
how precious those memories.

I think I'll linger a little longer,
no matter the hour,
my mind revists these spots in my dreams,
it is nice to sit and view them afront me,
reliving the moment,
yet still in the NOW
with my loved one I journey,
yet need not move,
together; picture after picture
we journey to the crevices of our memories,
tucked tight,
locked with only one key
thouself,
so no threat to worry,
reflect as you wish
as long as you wish.

Never release the memories,
hold fast to them eternally;
all the while never forgetting
that we are also the carriers of memories,
never drop them along the way
for forever they may be lost
just stop and reflect,
its not that hard,
and you'll find you might not want to leave.

ctrygirl 2009 dec

Humiliation and Humbleness

2009-12-10T22:45:00.005-07:00

This is from a daily newsletter that I get; often, to keep me directed to the straight and narrow path.
This issue I felt we all could use, for it speaks of Humbleness and Humility, something I believe could really fill a void in this world today. Just like the Eagles sang long ago...."don't let there be a hole in the world tomorrow"...we can make a difference, one by one, each hand we reach out to
...virtualy or realistically...
it DOES matter, YOU do matter! Just like the good dog from dailygooddog.com his site is so uplifting each and every day! Check it out!
I hope you enjoy this as much as I did, the journery inward, to our true, internal, oft' masked self that only WE and God can realy know.

December 10, 2009
Of Equal Worth
Humility
The notion of humility as a virtue brings numerous images to mind. We tend to envision those rare individuals who humbly bear life’s struggles while downplaying their own strengths. Yet humility is also associated with people whose insecurities compel them to judge themselves unfavorably as a matter of course. The true definition of humility, however, does not correspond precisely with either of these images. Humility is not passivity. Rather, it is an utter lack of self-importance. The individuals who embody the concept of humility appreciate that each human being on the planet occupies a unique place on an infinite spectrum of development. Though they can take pride in their own accomplishments, they also understand that the people they interact with each day are as valuable and have as much to offer the world as they themselves do.

To be humble is to accept that while there will always be individuals more and less advanced than yourself, those on all parts of the spectrum of development can provide you with insights that further your personal evolution. Recognizing these insights is a matter of opening yourself to the fact that not only do others think and feel differently than you, but their life experiences have shaped them in a very different way than yours have shaped you. This means that while you may have a greater understanding in some areas, others will always be able to teach you something. When you cultivate a genuine yearning to know what skills and talents those you encounter have been blessed with, you cannot help but learn humility. You instinctively understand that emotions like envy breed resistance that prevents you from growing, and that being flexible in your interactions with others will help you connect with unexpected mentors.

When you practice humility, you want to become as accomplished and evolved as you can possibly be, yet you are willing to submit to the expertise of others to do so. You understand the scope of your aptitudes yet you choose to eradicate arrogance from your attitude, and you can distinguish the value you possess as an individual while still acting in the interests of your fellow human beings. Humility, simply put, is a form of balance in which you can celebrate your own worth while sincerely believing that every other person on the planet is just as worthy as you.

Daily OM Dec. 2009,(pic from stk pub. dom.)

Which Path have YOU chosen?

2009-11-13T06:44:00.001-07:00

I sit here on my chosen path
That I have known so well
Yet a neighbor has decided
That nature he will sell.

As he cuts a road, or path or house seat
Past the 100 year old oak
Upon which I now lean.

I see the wildflowers blowing in the wind,
Thinking of their diversity and how each of them has become a friend to the forest floor beneath them,
How each has nourished upon death,
And grown to be so beautiful.

Rebirth, and death simultaneously
All about me in this forest.
I see the shadows so very long
For it is near afternoon, late at that;
And I sit alone
Amongst the rusted barbed wire fence
Between the great oaks and hickory trees
Looking at the shagginess of its bark
Amazed at the diversity about me.

And I wonder just how do all these trees, quite different in their size, shape and variety
Seem to get along so well?
Living side by side
With nothing horrible to tell,
Yet they’ve seen man come through here
And mark his place on this land,
Whether during Underground Railroad times,
Or when the natives toured their homeland.

Yet we ran them out too, just as we are the trees
Bit by bit we take over
What God had meant to be
Yet with a smile they pull those bulldozers ever closer still
To my precious Appalachian Mountain;
Where I want nothing to change,
Yet still,
It matters not
That is something I’ve learned
Quite the hard way
As always has been my case.

My opinion is just that an opinion
Everybody has one.
Some their opinion matters more than others,
Mine at this point,
Is rather mute.

Is that by choice?
Or is that by defeat?
Is that by effort that can’t give anymore,
Or by simply giving up?

All I know is 45 years of effort is not giving up,
Forty-five years is trying until you can’t take it anymore.
And you’ve tried everything possible
For people to hear the call
To listen to the woods
To take them internally
Not just to let the sounds and smells pass through
Letting it pass through sight, smell, touch and out of the brain.
The whispers of nature, the pleas from me for others to see,
As soon as the words are spoken are they forgotten?

I don’t speak a lot
But when I do, it’s for a reason
It’s to share something I have to share
A feeling that must come out.
Yet the words are oft not heeded,
Nor it seems needed.

The lord has blessed me so much with these woods
For since I started these walks
Serenity has taken over me,
Prayers spoken softly have seen me through
This only I KNOW to be true.

Yes the path is narrow
But it is something I must do
I must trudge ever onward
And hold my head up high
And know that to someone;
Somehow, these words will not fall nigh upon deaf ears.

Somehow they’ll be heard,
Not like the shot around the world,
But somehow,
Through my actions, my behavior, or better yet other’s own personal experience
Of what I am desperately trying to reveal.

Is that the answer? To keep rotely repeating myself?
Or is it just plain muteness?
for perhaps that is best,
Which is what I have now chosen.
It would be a time of evil if the things I could have spoken
Like the forked tongue of the snake
Injecting poison, exited my mouth,
Alas, The things I know and do not share!

But would it matter if I dared?
I think not.
God, wipe the tears from my eyes
With the wind that blows by my side.

I thank you Lord for this place
That has seen so few human face
And for allowing me to be
Amongst all of your wonderful beauty
For giving me the solace to see
That this is really all we need
To get back to the trueness of self,
The trueness of life
Which is what you gave us without resentment or strife.

You offered it freely
Yet so many forsook
But I promise you Lord
I promise
I took,
I took your word and believed each phrase
I believe in my heart each and every day.
And I thank you for the peacefulness
For the unity of nature.
One plays upon another here in the natural world,
Yet there isn’t the spitefulness that we see in the human race.

Living and dying is a natural thing here upon the forest floor
Predator or prey alike, (in the animal or plant kingdom)
Must face their OWN final day.
Yet man tries to speed up that demand for their death,
In order to fill their troughs with monetary or territorial rights.

Needless to say,
Depression has hit;

I can’t endure the unobservant human much more,
And their total disregard for your created way,
They destroy any and everything in their wake
Without a second thought, and it makes me so distraught,

And I’m fighting it with all my might Lord
Please help me make it quit.
Please help me make it quit.

Ctrygirl 2009

Veteran's Day Tribute Poem by Joanna Fuchs

2009-11-11T07:55:00.001-07:00

Veteran’s Day Tribute

When America had an urgent need,
These brave ones raised a hand;
No hesitation held them back;
They were proud to take a stand.

They left their friends and family;
They gave up normal life;
To serve their country and their God,
They plowed into the strife.

They fought for freedom and for peace
On strange and foreign shores;
Some lost new friends; some lost their lives
In long and brutal wars.

Other veterans answered a call
To support the ones who fought;
Their country had requirements for
The essential skills they brought.

We salute each and every one of them,
The noble and the brave,
The ones still with us here today,
And those who rest in a grave.

So here’s to our country’s heroes;
They’re a cut above the rest;
Let’s give the honor that is due
To our country’s very best.

By Joanna Fuchs

ctrygirl09

In GREAT honor of our VETS

2009-11-11T07:00:00.003-07:00

On this Veteran's day I would like to thank those who have served, those who are currently serving and those who have just begun their journey into honor of serving their country and keeping us all free, safe, and home of the brave. In honor of my precious husband I would like to say "I Love you darling and I am so proud of your service to our nation and all of us living in the USA. I know many do not realize the responsibilities, the dedication and the discipline it takes to be a soldier. You are my soldier in so many ways my darling! I honor you this Vet's day". And to my daddy who was a Marine during the Korean Conflict...I want to say "Dearest Buddy I know you are guarding heaven's gate and I am SOOO proud of you in so many diverse ways. You're service to your country came at a time of turmoil and sorrow, yet i never heard you complain once about your service to your country. We love you so daddy. Semper Fi my budddy until we meet again!" I love you both dearly. And to All VETS There are those of us who appreciate you beyond words, who are awed at your dedication to those that often don't seem to appreciate your laying your life on the line so they can go about their daily life without restrictions. You make this the LAND OF THE FREE AND THE HOME OF THE BRAVE> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

Can Paradise be Lost?

2009-10-10T09:38:00.003-06:00

Can Paradise Be Lost?
By Ctrygirl, Patty Lake
10-4-09
inspired by one who knows

Memories are better than any silver or gold,
They are the magic that we hold.
Forever with us they will be
When all else fails us miserably,
The memories of days gone by
Will rescue us from today’s sighs;
Too many sit and wish they had,
More “things” instead: oh how sad….
To not realize the value of a life well lived,
Is no doubt what they’ve been deprived.

Ah! Wandering through the tunnels and alleys,
The back roads and the valleys,
The good times and the bad,
The happy and the sad,
The lofty peaks and dark hollers,
Brings back a life more precious than dollars,
More valued than any store bought gift can be,
Oh why can’t others see?
That memories dance inside of our minds,
Waiting patiently for the host to find,
That a solace, peace, and fulfillment unexplainable awaits,
IF they just open those memory gates!
And journey a bit, without a sweat:
To another place or time, they should NEVER forget.

For life is nothing but memory making,
Each hour, each minute, each moment,
Each morning awakening,
Each evening waning,
We are creating a mental mist,
That one-day will insist
On turning into a comforting mind fog
Where we can secretly retreat from the current smog,
Without permission, admission or recognition from others;
We can revisit the times we discovered.
And escape for a while within the cushioned arms,
Of childhood, teen years, and entrance to adulthood without harm,
Perhaps dodging the walls that may not need be rediscovered,
Yet reveling, rolling, and existing in the moment we CHOOSE to hover.

Share the times or keep them locked safe inside your Terabithia:
That is your sole choice, but find it you must!
Memory Lane; it isn’t too far, nor has it EVER left you for any cost;
Your Paradise is NEVER Lost!

Happy Birthday My Darling Husband

2009-09-24T15:28:00.006-06:00

I can not give you diamonds, I can not give you fame,
I can not give you money, or other material things,
All I have to offer is my love undying and true,
A respect for who you are, & unconditionally always loving you.

You've been my rock in landslides, my umbrella in the rains,
You've been my saving grace to many times to explain.
You're heart is far too large for others to comprehend,
yet my darling I look into your eyes and see it is a Godsend.

And here it is your birthday, and nothing do I hold
nothing to hand you in the morning that in a store is sold.
But my darling I have for you a love that none can touch,
A respect, admiration, and adoration,I know it might not seem like much.

However from my heart I send,
a Happy Birthday to my best friend,
My dearest husband oh so precious to me,
for nothing can ever end the love I have for thee.

We aren't materialistic, nor do we need,
therefore the Lord has blessed us indeed,
given a second chance to be together could be,
HIS birthday present to us both you see.

For his light shines from within you,
it is so evident too,
that you and I were MEANT to be,
together forever a precious gift you see,
for so many never find, that perfect one to be with,
We have been heaven kissed.

I wish you happy birthday my dear,
I wish joy and peace, forever near,
I wish you many years upon this earth with me,
and together one day in heaven to be.

God bless you my dearest husband, and Happy Birthday too
no one can come close to the bond I will always have with you!

Your countrygirl forever,
Happy Birthday darling husband, Happy Birthday!

ctrygirl 9 25 09 (pic our own ctry road to home)

Living in the NOW

2009-09-24T09:04:00.003-06:00

The NOW is here and waiting to be discovered,
how often we forage ahead and often hover;
over the past the future or problems at hand
instead of facing that promised land
of the NOW< THE HERE< the present blessings
that we have been lessening
by not appreciating the moment we're given
and forgetting that NOW is what we are livin'.

Did we plant flowers today instead of weeds?
Did we help another who may be in need?
Have we noticed the sunrise or the sunset?
Do we smile at strangers we never have met?
Or do we go about in a state of self absorption
doling out misery, depression, and contortion
of the moment at hand, as seen through OUR eyes
and forgetting those with which we reside
and their well being and the imprint we leave,
each time we diminish what has been achieved?

Think right now on the imprint you leave
each time you face someone in need
or perhaps just an acquaintance you frequent often
did you plant them a flower garden?
Or leave them with a field full of weeds
Where they must work to remove the tarry you leave?

Be positive in your outlook today,
and realize that the light shines on you in every way,
no matter how it FEELS or what you may perceive,
the LIGHT at the end of the tunnel sees!

Sees how you are facing the day,
and what to others you do and say,
remember to keep your face toward the sun,
and face the raindrops with a sense of fun,
for the storm is never to great or the tunnel too dark
but instead the Lord has left his mark
upon this great land and upon your heart too,
so don't waste what great things you can do.

No matter how beaten or how down you may feel,
remember there's a hand in yours...and it's REAL!

Keep that glass half full today
and tomorrow you will see a better day.
Stay open to the goodness within you,
that you often may not even realize is true.
But all of God's children have sparks of light,
that guide us all through even the darkest of nights.

God bless you and keep you!

Live in the NOW,
for there is nothing else to uncover anyhow!

ctrygirl 9-24-09 (pic publicdomain)

The Night.......

2009-09-22T07:15:00.005-06:00

"Night, the beloved. Night, when words fade and things come alive. When the destructive analysis of day is done, and all that is truly important becomes whole and sound again. When man reassembles his fragmentary self and grows with the calm of a tree."
This quote was sent to me by the gooddog who inspires and sends quotes to keep us focused on the here and now...this particular one spoke VOLUMES to me, I LOVE the silence of the night, the reaching, yawning shadows of the trees highlighted by moonlight, the sounds of dew gently falling upon the field grasses that grow tall enough to reach my knees, the scurrying in the foliage of night creatures quite surprised by my presence; and yet on their nightly mission unknown to humans. Night when all is still and we have the opportunity to BE QUIET AND LISTEN AND KNOW>>>>

KNOW that we are not alone, that there is so much beauty in this world that often goes overlooked because televisions are on inside and people are not exposed to the beauty the darkness can hold amongst the woods and places far from the city where even the light pollution can not penetrate.

Oh get out and enjoy the beauty, notice the milkyway spilled ever so perfectly over your head, capture a glimpse of the north star, the constellations, the creatures of the night that meander about, the scent of a dampening soil beneath your feet and crispness of the scent of the woods! I just had to share this quote he sent me....it is VERY ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ctrygirl
pictaken while 4wh at night
quote by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

THANK YOU for no greater Love than from those who ran INTO the horror to help their fellow human

2009-09-11T16:13:00.004-06:00

"Greater Love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends" John 15:13 KJV
This picture consists of 18,000 SOLDIERS making up the outline of the statue of liberty, done at Camp Dodge in Iowa.
Only a reminder that the American Spirit is LIVING and WELL...no matter the dissention that seems rampid in our country right now, United we ARE and if if if divided yes, we WILL fall
...for just like this picture, one out of line, one out of place or missing and the picture wouldn't be complete.
We are ALL a part of this great nation, accept one another's differences, allow disagreement and agree to disagree....love thy neighbor, yes it may be hard at times...nearly insurmountable at times....but DO IT, love them if nothing else for the diversity from your ideas, standards, or preferences....love them for they are created by the same maker.
And one of his commands is to LOVE THY NEIGHBOR!

I originally posted this to thank the veterans, young, old, deployed, state side, active or inactive....I love you and what you stand for, keep up the vigilance, keep the faith, for there are so many of us whose voices are oft lost in the distance, the dark, or the misconceptions portrayed by so many that I fear the message isn't ever clear enough...THANK YOU FOR MY FREEDOM AND PROTECTING ME AND MY FAMILY>
AND THE FIRST RESPONDERS AT 9-11 THANK YOU FOR SHOWING THE GREATEST OF GOD"S GOODNESS IN HUMANS>
FOR THOSE STILL MOURNING A LOVED ONE, I PRAY FOR YOUR COMFORT AND EASE OF YOUR HEART>

LET US NEVER EVER FORGET
< YET CARRY A 9-12 MENTALITY OF UNITY LOYALTY FREEDOM AND MOST IMPORTANT RECIPIENTS OF GOD"S BLESSINGS!

a simple ctrygirl, so proud of her vets!
SEMPER FI DADDY< SEMPER FI!
pic from public domain

From the core of nature I feel his presence

2009-09-11T15:57:00.003-06:00

“[A song of ascents.] I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Psalm 121:1-2

I feel him with me each time I venture out amongst the deciduous woods that surround me. He is with me at all times for his promise is always TRUTH: "I will never leave you NOR forsake you". After the week that I have had, I thank the Lord for being with me all the way, everyday, every moment of every day and forever I praise his name. Thank you Lord for getting me through the tough times and for the blessings that you have so abundantly bestowed upon me and my family. Keep your guiding hand hovering over us dear Lord.....keep us wrapped in your angel's wings. Amen

Things not seen...

2009-08-27T05:58:00.005-06:00

Hebrews 11:1
(1) Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Even those things in nature that we don't seem to "see" offer us comfort so much (when we slow down enough to realize that they are there). The beauty and the minute' touches of nature can keep your faith and hopes alive.

I am awaiting a new grandchild and have faith that "things not seen" will be blessed and cared for by our precious Lord! Keep the faith my friends, never give up the hope....for once you do, the world will quickly become a vast emptiness of darkness which will become insurmountable in its escape! The tunnel's light extinquished and you will find yourself groping for the way. Whatever your belief, whatever your convictions, hold tight and stay true to yourself and the Lord...and never release that grip on hope and faith!

NO other Place....

2009-07-14T09:18:00.002-06:00

"Where is there a country without sin, crime, lawlessness, bloodshed, disease, death, sorrow and heartache? Heaven is a country in which there is the absence of all that is common to any land, for in God's country there are no barriers, no walls or curtains to divide; no race barrier; no soldiers because there are no wars; no policemen because there is no crime or sin; no undertakers because there are no graves; no physicians because germs, fevers, pestilences, diseases are unknown; no thieves because there is no darkness. Who would not yearn for this better and more desirable country in which there are no separations, no broken homes, no drunkards, no prisons, no hospitals, no beggars, no persons who are blind, deaf, dumb or destitute? What a country! Are you not homesick for Heaven? --H. Lockyer

(pub domain pic) Ctrygirl 09

Victor Hugo says it All.....

2009-07-14T08:51:00.003-06:00

"I feel within me that future life. I am like a forest that has been razed; the new shoots are stronger and brighter. I shall most certainly rise toward the heavens. … The nearer my approach to the end, the plainer is the sound of immortal symphonies of worlds which invite me. For half a century I have been translating my thoughts into prose and verse: history, philosophy, drama, romance, tradition, satire, ode, and song; all of these I have tried. But I feel I haven't given utterance to the thousandth part of what lies within me. When I go to the grave I can say, as others have said, "My day's work is done." But I cannot say, "My life is done." My work will recommence the next morning. The tomb is not a blind alley; it is a thoroughfare. It closes upon the twilight, but opens upon the dawn.--Victor Hugo

(photo from atop our appalachian mt watching the sunset) Ctrygirl 09

Odd one Out

2009-07-14T08:23:00.006-06:00

I used to think that being the favorite to all
Was my personal call,
To walk the line and be on time and make sure not to ever be
A problem or an obstacle for anyone around to see,
Instead I’d bend over backwards to make sure I wasn’t on their ground,
In analogy of course to speak, for it’s nearly impossible I found:
For nothing is ever as it seems!

And though the favorite things of all can be multi fold and not bend at all
They do not ever have to be a singularity
This is something that I have HAD to accept
That being the best is not always a precept
That can be or SHOULD be achieved in all we do.
Instead being the odd one out often will serve you too!

Just like me, just like I feel inside
That the once socialite has begun to hide
From all the hustle, the bustle and strife
I know it sounds like a Grinch kind of life,
And really it isn’t that way at all,
Instead it is a retreat all its own to be at one’s own beck and call
And not in the throws of chaos and other’s demands.

Finally I realize that somewhere there has to be a stand,
A stand up for me and who I really am
Not the one they want, that passive lamb,
Instead I must often let my voice be known,
And speak my mind without being told
Knowing that it is alright and that it is okay,makes it easier in many ways.
For I’m tired of the hurt today, and yesterday
And the day before
I am tired of the hurting completely ever more.

I will no longer let another dupe me or step upon my back
Instead I’m ready to stand up and not carry their biased pack.
I will help anyone that may be of need, or in honesty comes to me;
But from now on the guard must be up to block the barrage of stigma that others don’t see.
For they speak straight out of their own little minds
And never will take a moment in time
To step into the world of another and look around to observe
No they’d rather go on what they’ve heard,
And oh how we know how that can go,
It certainly with time will grow
Into something that isn’t what was meant or said at all,
(Or perhaps the tone will change it all?)

But trust me by the time that all good intentions are shared and heard
There will be someone to make it seem absurd
And out on a limb they will gently go,
And take what they will no matter what they KNOW
instead it will be what they want to perceive
And never stop for a moment to wonder what they’ve conceived
Was it hurtfulness, anger, emotional steed
Or was it intentional, loneliness or need?

What does it matter, the damage is done
That is something that for some reason no one
Can seem to get through their heads and into their brain mass
Instead it goes right over their internal instinct at last,
Yes over and under and through the most important part of the mind
They will forever be one of a kind;
Judgmental, observant only to their liking and fulfillment,
And stigmatize anyone who doesn’t fall within it…
But I’m used to it I am beginning to see
How unfortunate for me,
And for others who like I seem to comply
To whatever others throw at them with a sigh
And just go along to make the world for others easier
trying their hardest even if it isn’t feasible.

But do they notice, yet do they see or recognize
What an effort it all takes from inside
For someone such as I, to try so hard and long,
To reach out and show that I’m carrying a song
Not an illness nor an infectious disease;
But something that is wired different inside of me
Not something they can fix with their words or their judgment
But something the Lord has seen as NOT punishment
But instead a different view of the world all around
He gave me this gift so profound.

So quite often you’ll find me looking at the ground,
Not due to complacency, no not anymore,
but for treasures that we walk upon on God’s precious earthly floor.
The details, that lie underfoot each and every where we go,
to me they offer another dawn of appreciation that shows,
imagination and wonder and thrills internal
that can not be explained yet is Eternal.

So go ahead and make me not a favorite to be around,
For I am going to be fully in tuned to my own little piece of ground
Of which I am standing and you know what: from here,
Well, the sky certainly looks very clear….
There are storm clouds awaiting behind the hills I’m sure
But tomorrow I’ll deal with those that the wind will certainly lure.
Today I’m going to stand and know,
Quietly know that even though they don’t show,
Others are with me, and words are whispered lightly,
Call me crazy or flighty
Whatever the nickname, let it stick, for this ctry girl
Is rather unfurled,
Yet although many will never “get it”
I am content……..
How you may ask, with all I face each day?
Because the LORD walks with me all the way!
Ctrygirl 09
(pic from my excursions in our precious forest)

Why are we Turning away?

2009-07-13T07:30:00.004-06:00

I received this in my email and had to share it with any and all that read my blog. I find it very disturbing that our freedom of speech and freedom to practice religion in our own way, each to his/her own, is being attacked, challenged and stifled. This is just a heads up for those of you who may not be aware.....if you are interested in any kind of response to this to your reps please see the Human Events website for more information. But as a devout christian who LOVES JESUS>>>YEP I SAID JESUS AND WILL CONTINUE TO AND TO PRAY FOR ALL UNDER HIS NAME<<<<< I felt all should be aware of what is going on around us although it is NEVER spoke of on the news!
ctrygirl 09

Dear Friends,

The right to pray publicly "in Jesus name" is under new attack in Pennsylvania and again in California. Please let me explain to you exactly what terrible events just transpired...

The Democrat Speaker of the Pennsylvania House Keith R. McCall has just issued (and enforced) a policy which bans the name of Jesus Christ as illegal speech that may not be uttered during voluntary prayers spoken before the Pennsylvania state legislature.

Pastor Gerry Stoltzfoos of Freedom Valley Worship Center in Adams County, PA had been invited to pray the invocation at the State-House on June 30th, but McCall's office insisted on previewing and censoring a written copy of the prayer beforehand.

"I wrote the prayer and sent it to them and they sent back a very short rejection notice," Pastor Stoltzfoos told reporters from One News Now. "So I wrote back, 'I'm curious as to why.' And they said it had an offensive word. 'Can you tell me what the word was?' And they came back and said 'Jesus.'" Stoltzfoos says he prays in Jesus' name because Jesus instructed him to do so in the Bible. In John 14, 15, and 16, Jesus said three times, "the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name." Colossians 3:17 says, "whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus."

McCall's office then refused to allow Stoltzfoos to say the prayer before the legislature. The Democrat's staff told the pastor that Speaker McCall was afraid of lawsuit by atheist groups.

At the Gate of Heaven

2009-06-21T06:09:00.006-06:00

Happy Father's day my precious buddy at the gates of heaven. I love and miss you more each and every SECOND of every day. Happy Father's Day in the downy wings of angels, and please keep watch at that heavens gate, for when I arrive we WILL take that last walk around the yard my precious daddy. I love you forever and always and sending my prayers on sunbeams toward your presence guarding Heaven's Gate. I love you daddy, I love you. Your Buddy forever and ever.

In Honor of a Vet and PERFECT DADDY!!
From the Halls of Montezuma
To the shores of Tripoli
We fight our country's battles
In the air, on land and sea
First to fight for right and freedom
And to keep our honor clean;
We are proud to claim the title
Of United States Marine.

Our flag's unfurled to every breeze
From dawn to setting sun;
We have fought in every clime and place
Where we could take a gun.
In the snow of far-off Northern lands
And in sunny tropic scenes;
You will find us always on the job --
The United States Marines.

Here's health to you and to our Corps
Which we are proud to serve;
In many a strife we've fought for life
And never lost our nerve.
If the Army and the Navy
Ever look on Heaven's scenes,
They will find the streets are guarded
By United States Marines.

your ctrygirl BUDDY
SEMPER FI DADDY FOREVER

Happy Anniversary Baby

2009-06-17T19:16:00.004-06:00

Happy Anniversary my precious husband....you have made me so happy these 13 years and all the years we were high school sweethearts. I don't know how I'd make it without you, I love you beyond words. You are my sunrise and sunset, my inspiration and my rock when I'm weak. You are a wonderful daddy to our children. And you are my first and will be my only love for the rest of my life. Thank you for the wonderful years together and Happy Anniversary Baby (even though written a week late....our journies under the full moon on the actual day are forever precious to me...) Thank you for understanding me when its very difficult at times to do and for ALWAYS being there for me no matter what the obstacle or issue we may face. I love you darling!

Through the dark tunnel

2009-06-17T15:03:00.007-06:00

I'm crawling through a dark tunnel
with impenetrable walls.
It's dark in here and silent too,
except the breathing that I must do.

But, do I want to emerge into the light
for the tunnel is long and there's no end in sight?

The journey seems endless and yet the silence quite golden,
But I know I must sometime emerge and seem quite unbroken,
but without the mask that I don for others,
I’m not too sure that I won’t smother,
Beneath the armor I must portray,
And carry upon my back each day.

I hear the scratching of thoughts frantically running through my mind,
like rats when the corncrib they find.

My mask I forgot and left behind
so when I emerge I must seem refined,
just as a piece of coal pressed upon for decades
will emerge a diamond in the ruff,
I must find a way to jade the way I’m really feeling
And that will be beyond tough,
Especially without the cover of my cloak quite concealing.

So creeping ever onward I creep through the shadowed shaft,
And feel the stones pressing deep into my back,
Scarring my knees as I creep and crawl onward,
Scratching my exposed skin like a sharpened sword,
Ever I inch forward; toward the direction I know the trail must end,
And tomorrow I’ll start all over again.

Never giving up , never giving in, I must remain vigilant and keep in mind,
That if I never seek solace, it is something I’ll never find,
So keeping the pace I’ll eventually emerge from the pitch and confinement
And with hope and FAITH I’ll achieve realignment.
But for now I think I’ll just sit a bit,
And reflect in the borrow deep beneath,
Taking the time and advantage to sheath
My thoughts and myself a wee bit longer,
For hopefully soon I’ll get stronger.
And I’ll then peek out,
And see the blessings and beauty,
Breath in the fresh air,
Feel the wind in my hair,
And KNOW,
That through the stillness
Faith has grown.
Ctrygirl 6 17 09
(pic from our beautiful appalachian/allegheny area near midnight)

Keep the Faith

2009-06-13T08:24:00.003-06:00

Hebrews 11:1
(1) Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen
In its simplest form, faith is merely belief. As our understanding becomes more complex and operative, when we begin to put faith to work, it becomes "confidence," and finally, in its best form, when it becomes fully operational, it is "trust." This trust, this full measure of faith, is alive and works within our relationship with God.

This came to my inbox and thought that it explained perfectly why we MUST keep faith in GOD, in ourselves and our direction we choose to travel, whatever path we take....and remember that putting faith to work means "confidence" in our direction.
As often I am at a loss as to "What Next?" I find that reminding myself of the fact that the Lord is ALWAYS with me offers great comfort and inspiration to keep doing my best to get day to day. We must incorporate loving our neighbor, turning the other cheek (something those inflicted with a disorder no matter how big or small, no matter mental or physical or emotional know FAR too well), and having FAITH in all things can pull us through even the lowest of lows, the highest of mania, and the comfortably numb gray area between.
(pic of our appalachian 4 wheel ride beauty in the hollers!)
ctrygirl 6-09

The Man in the Glass

2009-05-29T07:39:00.007-06:00

The Man in the Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day
Just go to a mirror and look at yourself
And see what that man has to say.
For it isn't your parents-your children-or wife
Who judgement upon you must pass
The fellow whose verdict counts most in your life
Is the one staring back from the glass.
Some people may think you a straight-shooting chum,
And call you a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye.
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear up to the end
And you've passed your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of life,
And get pats on your back as you pass
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears,
If you've cheated THE MAN IN THE GLASS!

author unknown, given to me by my daughter.
ctrygirl 2009 (pic from my ctry home area)

The Darkness WILL come.....

2009-05-14T06:25:00.009-06:00

Ae you struggling with the darkness,
at every twist and turn?
Are you faced with indecision,
unsure of what collision
you will come across today?
Are you unsure of the way?

Do not feel alone my friend in need,
for many of us go unseen,
you are not solitarily there you see,
for so many follow and that is the key,
to knowing you are not so vastly isolated,
instead quite dilated,
in the numerous others that tread that path too
but they may not show it to you.

Just remember when the darkness falls heavy, hard and fast
that there are those out there ready to catch
ready with a helping and loving hand,
and lift you to a higher land,
of where you feel surrounded by warmth from the heart
believe me with YOU this did not start.

Seek those who can understand and truly know,
the depths to which a soul can go,
and yet revive itself through faith,
knowing that each are in their proper place.
Regardless how askewed it all may seem,
darkness is nothing but where your inner light can gleam,
and reach the outer edges of the realm
where others often have fell,
extend your heart and hand
through that murky land,
and soon you will see,
you were never alone in even the darkest of seas,
but someone who cares,
or has simply been there,
awaiting guidance or a caring hand,
and there you are, there you stand...
among the darkness with your new found friend,
even though you may never meet again.
You've made a difference that will pull you through,
the darkness that often overcomes you.

I've seen the pit and walked the course,
Often I revisit it without knowing the source
of my immediate plunking upon the floor,
not knowing why I've reentered here for,
yet ever upward I must look and seek,
that friendly hand offered so meek,
but once entwined will become united.
Never forget that you do not walk alone,
that lampless path, that dark winding cone
that sent you spiraling down to the darkness where you thought you were alone.

(a GREAT friend sent me this quote that I feel goes perfectly with this poem I wrote: THANK YOU GOOD DOG!!
"Problems are messages."
Shakti Gawain
ctrygirl 5 09 (pubdom.pic)

How oft we forget.....

2009-05-14T06:02:00.005-06:00

Habakkuk 2:4
(4) " Behold the proud,
His soul is not upright in him;
But the just shall live by his faith

Matthew 7:2
(2) For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you

Oh how often we forget,
that judgement shouldn't be sent,
toward any soul upon this plane,
although you see it over and over again.

Why do we think that our way is right?
When there are those shivering in the night,
afraid of what lies within their minds,
fighting against it time after time,
every effort they put forth in the morn,
to face life as simply a "norm",
knowing if they don't don the mask,
that judgement awaits from those they expected it last.

But do we heed the written WORD or do we hide behind it instead,
ever justifying it in our own heads?
Empathy, Sympathy, Consideration and Compassion,
What will it take to make this happen?
I fear it would take others walking in the footsteps too,
of those they choose to judge and view,
in their OWN little boxed in world of perfection,
they sit and watch, for any deflection,
from the way they want others to be,
regardless of how hard the other may be trying to conceive
what is expected of them each day, each moment, each second,
to just fit in and be accepted.

Take the time to review your reflection
and perhaps you will be able to see your own imperfection,
yet don't be alarmed, don't be depressed,
for diversity the Lord gave us IS best.
He knows the way and never makes mistakes,
so never fear the shape your reflection takes.
Just view it rather unbiasedly,
and realize that it is the beauty you also see.
Now apply that knowledge to your friends, family and acquaintances,
and be at peace with your vast differences,
for that is what makes the world go around,
each one dancing to their own sound.

Just be still and know, be quiet and listen
for the wind and nature forces are whisperin'
let your true light and love show each day,
face what you can and duck out of the way
of those things that you feel are too intense for you at this time,
yet never judge or seek reason or rhyme,
for there are so many things in this world of mysterious ways,
that we will never be able to fully understand or to say...
we completely understand our path today.

So go with the flow, try to bend and not break,
for the Lord will always take,
the correct direction even if you seem lost,
just follow your heart at all cost,
but never forget to listen to that voice in your head,
ceaselessly whispering do not be proud and judge, instead;
be patient, be vigilant, be true
to the WORD that was given to you.
We all are children of such divine light,
to judge or to stifle another is not right,
for that would be pointing the finger in a direction you don't want to do,
for never forget, all was created by the LORD too!

(pubdompic) Ctrygirl 5 09

I'm thankful for All this and MORE!

2009-05-13T05:31:00.008-06:00

Lord, thank you for this sink of dirty dishes; we have plenty of food to eat.
Thank you for this pile of dirty, stinky laundry; we have plenty of nice clothes to wear.
And I would like to thank you, Lord, for those unmade beds; they were so warm and comfortable last night. I know that many have no bed.
My thanks to you, Lord, for this bathroom, complete with all the splattered mirrors, soggy, grimy towels and dirty lavatory; they are so convenient.
Thank you for this finger-smudged refrigerator that needs defrosting so badly; It has served us faithfully for many years. It is full of cold drinks and enough leftovers for two or three meals.
Thank you, Lord, for this oven that absolutely must be cleaned today. It has baked so many things over the years.
The whole family is grateful for that tall grass that needs mowing, the lawn that needs raking; we all enjoy the yard.
Thank you, Lord, even for that slamming screen door. My kids are healthy and able to run and play.
Lord, the presence of all these chores awaiting me says You have richly blessed my family. I shall do them cheerfully and I shall do them gratefully.
Amen.
THIS SO EXPLAINED TO ME WHY WE ALL NEED TO BE THANKFUL FOR ALL THINGS!!! THINK ABOUT IT WHAT WE GET UPSET WITH SO OFTEN IS OFTEN WHAT SUSTAINS US!! NEVER FORGET TO BE THANKFUL!
(prayer borrowed from DailyOM 5/09)
ctrygirl

One of those small differences...

2009-05-02T07:43:00.003-06:00

Even though spring has just begun, my husband knew that I was a little down one day when we were out four wheeling (probably because I wasn't talking incessantly tehee) but he was IN TUNE with my heart and mind and the state of my being. THIS is one of the small difference of which i spoke on my last post...just as I stared into the sunset, taking in all the diversity and beauty around me yet still in an internal slumped state (although that mask showed a smile)...he listened to my internal voice without my awareness of it. He knew that I just needed a little human touch of kindness out of no where...and here he came with a collection of foliage gathered in a bouquet for me. It consisted of fall leftover beauty mingled with new growth of the season. THIS is the small touches, the small differences of which i speak. It takes but a moment in ones day to change another's outlook or pull them from their inner turmoil....if only for a moment....that moment is PRICELESS!!
ctrygirl 5 09

One small difference...

2009-05-02T07:40:00.002-06:00

I have never been especially impressed by the heroics of people who are convinced they
are about to change the world. I am more awed by those who struggle to make one small
difference after another.
- Ellen Goodman

So often we get caught up in the BIG projects in life, letting the small yet vitally important human touch fall to the wayside.

In a time of frightening headlines, disruption in the global world, and conflicting opinions/ideas/reports from the media no wonder we have lost the focus of what direction our paths are leading us.
One small step at a time, and as the wonderful ctry singer's voices ring from the hills singing "One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus"...it renews my soul and reminds me of the fact that is all we have.
THIS MOMENT<
THIS PORTION IN TIME
to reach out and help another, to make sure we are doing all we can to balance on that straight and narrow path, and love each other.

Not in the sense of feigning goodness and charity to make ourselves look good, or get a tax deduction on our returns, but to simply be HUMANE to each other and look at your brothers and sisters of this world and reach out a hand somehow (even a word of kindness can go miles into the heart and psyche the the receiver) WITHOUT looking for recognition and praise or reimbursement.
If they need your coat, give it and with it give also a blanket without expectation of return or reward.

Never forget, no matter how down and out you may feel, no matter how the day may be turning dark or cloudy, no matter if you are at your lowest point mentally; there is someone out there in a situation worse than you find yourself.

The focus of this quote I placed on top of this post says it all....it's all in the small things we do for each other. A kind word, a virtual hand reaching out to help one in need, giving of material things (which will rust, rot and corrode should we worship them or be subject to thievery) without regrets in the heart.

No, we should not succumb to all views and ideas, meaning those that go against our morals, principals and ideas of the path GOD has chosen for us.
BUT we can accept and LOVE the diversity, the wonderful thought processes that have been given to us by a divine power, and respect the differences we see amongst ourselves.
For as the old addage goes...."walk a mile in their shoes".....actually there are times a mile isn't necessary but a simple moment in time to stop and think what has created the situation you find one in need in.
What has led them to their broken hearts, their bitterness to others, their judgemental behavior, and the prejudices they hold (quite often unrecognized by themselves even)? (And I do not exclude myself, for I know there was only ONE perfect person and it sure ain't me!!)
This post is simply to make one realize that a MILE is not always necesssary....a MOMENT may speak VOLUMES> for to place oneself in the core of another's heart, mind and life journey will inevitably give a more untainted view.
Just ONE SMALL DIFFERENCE AT A TIME can change a life, can touch a heart, can help heal the wounds that might not show but are inevitably there. We all could use that could we not??

(If you have never read the GOOD DOG Blog then I suggest a peek, there is a post further down on my site here that gives the address to it.....it is a glimpse into your OWN mind through the use of the greats and their intense knowledge and good advice)
...and remember to check the man in the mirror
...are you please with what you see? Keep in mind I speak of beneath the surface layer.....
The small things, the details, the things we would often take for granted or crush beneath our hurried pace, those are the things that touch the heart and heal the soul.
Look past the dark clouds and into the beams of light that peek through and penetrate the darkness, for they so resemble the masks we all don to present what we WANT the world to see not the shining child of light that we truly are...be yourself and be not ashamed for the Lord doesn't make mistakes and it certainly seems diversity was in his plan. Accept it and know even though it oft doesn't seem like it we are all quatumly entangled, all in a very fractal world, and a simple stone's ripple does flow quite a distance.

Begin At Anytime.....

2009-04-22T07:17:00.004-06:00

I, being rather a reclusive type of person,
Close my eyes and listen,
I can feel the lonesome sound of all those around me, even though they make much noise and commotion, there is a loneliness to their clatter.
I can hear the elation of those above me, singing to their Master.
I can hear the complaining of those abou me,which unfortunately; often I hear call.
I feel the touch of those not there, yet it’s not scary at all.
I listen to things others don’t hear
I see a vision here and there and feign it didn’t appear
…but here it comes again, and again.

Perhaps I drifted too far from the shore or too deep into the woods
…I hear my name as the leaves fall, as the snowflakes touch the ground, when the sunsets touch the mountains, and when the sunrise wakes the roosters with their crowing sounds…
I love my life, why would I want to live it any other way
BUT perceptive, picking up all the details I can? I love each and every day!
Sometimes I wonder, okay, others would judge this as impaired health,(but they're wrong!)
Does this mean that I have been given a gift or I am and oddity myself?

And yet I don’t care…I know my being, I know my own soul, I care so for others who don’t seem to know,
Perhaps I don’t frequently enough let it show.
No, it is just me and how I am feeling so at odds with the world…
And how life events have made my mind curl,
Into a ball of a variety of directions, paths and trails,
But full circle I’ll come quite unfurled,
For I am accustomed to the ins and outs, the ups and downs,
Yet somehow I do wish they’d tame their sound,
At times that is, and yet at others,
I cherish the creativity that hovers.
For I know my GOD doesn’t make mistakes,
And therefore this is the path I will take.

Believing in myself and my dreams,
And NEVER giving up my precious memories.
For diversity is quite a gift you see,
Just like the TREE OF LIFE for you and me,
It reaches its branches North, South, East, and West
Trying to encompass all, it does it’s best.
Yet how can we feel so conglomerated and justified,
In our judgment and in our self- pride?

Just look for a moment at any old tree,
And you will see,
The direction it reaches ever for the sun,
No matter what it’s branches beneath have done.
Each survives in its own special way,
Can’t we just accept it and say,
Let each be their own, let each find their true self,
For no one can be inside your personal shell,
Incorporate into your ever- changing minds and hearts,
To encompass those of which you would start
To judge and try to figure out, just bow your head
And be thankful instead,
what a blessing that it is to us all,
for rote robotic beings would make this world rather dull.
Piece by piece, we realize we are all individual creations,
revelation by revelation; we realize it spans all nations.
I wish I could be the SILENCE and yet the PRESENCE
To remove your hesitance,
Not to make your perception jaded,
And leaving your own space un-invaded..
Acceptance of Diversity…Creativity…and Individuality,
Can thwart judgment and immorality
Easing so many a heart, mending so many a mind,
You can begin ANYTIME!!!
Ctrygirl 4 2009
picture of ancient oak in my area

THE SHACK

2009-04-20T06:11:00.008-06:00

(hunting shack in our area)

I recently read a very inspiring book called
THE SHACK by William P Young
...it is utterly amazing in its ability to make one look inward and how we treat others and our preconceived perceptions of good/evil, right/wrong, worthy/unworthy and so forth it goes.
I felt so compelled to share a portion of a quote from the book to help others to stop and reflect how they treat one another and their OWN perconcieved ideas of how things SHOULD be how others SHOULD behave and this doesn't speak of one's morals and such, but how we go about daily life and don't realize the Expectations we put on others that they could never match up to and should never have to try.
To realize we are all individuals with our own pot-hole ridden paths to journey on, is what I hope to achieve by quoting a portion of this book. To realize that disorders, complete perfect health, ailing, or whatever the situation one may find themselves in, well WE do not have the right to judge, to insinuate or to indicate anything about the person of which we are pointing the finger. Yet in a world so riddled with judgement, stigmas and labeling ...it is rather a refreshing breath of air to read that it is all for nought that the "NORMAL BOX" has been placed afront us all to jump into and remain content within its walls...for there IS NOT A NORMAL PERIOD>>>each are diverse individuals so therefore NORMALCY is a MYTH bought by the UNTHINKING or the rote thinking of letting media and masses think for one.
I strongly recommend this book to anyone and everyone....if only everyone would read this and take the ANALOGIES given within its covers and actual deep thought, then I believe there is hope we could all just accept one another AS WE ARE!! But instead we place the rules and regulations and expectations upon one another only to burden some to the point of overload and confusion and feelings of confused worth. Let's just remember too that rules and regulations made by MAN concerning our relationship with whatever God or being we choose to worship are just that MAN MADE. Okay i promised a quote...here it is ;

"Those who are afraid of freedom are those who cannot trust us to live in them. ....IT grants YOU the power to judge others and feel superior to them. YOU believe YOU are living on a higher standard than those you judge. Enforcing rules, especially in it's more subtle expressions like responsibility and expectations, is a vain attempt to create certainity out of uncertainy..........RULES
(on each other and ones MAN created to tell us what is divine and what we SHOULD and SHOULDN"t do to get to our true home one day is what he is referring to)....RULES cannot bring freedom; they only have the power to accuse. Rules will never give you the answers to the deep questions of the heart and THEY (ie rules) will NEVER LOVE you" pgs 302 and 303

Perhaps let go a bit and just accept diversity, put away that trigger finger of accusation, and just let your judgement fall to the floor in pieces....its better shattered anyway for really WHO are you to judge?? Who are ANY of us to judge?? Accepting those with disorders, problems they are facing, grief stricken, coming to fruitation in the exploration of their religious beliefs; what ever the situation it is vital that we allow stigmas to STOP and realize a mile in another's shoes MAY just TRULY open your eyes!! Something to think on!!!!
ctrygirl

I've learned....

2009-04-17T06:08:00.007-06:00

I've learned that good-byes will always hurt;
pictures will never replace having been there;
memories, good or bad, will bring tears;
and words can never replace feelings.
(author unknown but given to me by my youngest daughter as she knows how much I love quotes!)(pic of appalachia beauty from a friend's yard)

Are you THAT sure in your JUDGEMENT?

2009-04-16T04:36:00.005-06:00

Who are you to judge the life I live?
I know I’m not perfect – but I don’t live to be,
But before you start pointing fingers,
Make sure YOUR hands are clean.
Bob Marley

This was a part of my daughter's collection of pics and quotes. I felt it spoke volumes, although I do NOT encourage smoking and especially at such a young age due to health!!!
Who are we to really judge anyone? In a world of so many other problems and issues going on, where is there room for judgement and pious belief that OUR way is the right way. Do we ever stop to consider the HOW? As in the HOW did someone get to the point they are at? What led them to do the things they do or did? Will their errs ever be forgotten or are they leaded weights that we as a society will add to each time we judge?

Think about that the next time BEFORE you judge a book by its cover. It would make the world a much easier place for so very many. And leave room for change, for people DO change, if we keep them all inside a boxed in arena of judgement, we are not leaving room for them to grow, to heal, to alter the direction they will go, nor are we being true to the old addage.....clean up your own house first.
Problem being, so few look into the internal mirror and feel they have done so when in reality they often see what they WANT to see. Instead of the feigned review of oneself....look deeper.....I'm sure you too have areas of your life someone could judge or misinterprete or even disagree with, and isn't that what makes the world go around??

Agreeing to Disagree...what an easier journey this path through life would be if all could just comply to that simple simple rule.
ctrygirl

Man's Best Friend is PRICELESS!

2009-04-15T05:29:00.011-06:00

(pubdompictue)

THE GOOD DOG!
There is nothing better for the internal soul and to validate and understand ourselves a little more intensly than the good dog daily emails. Through this site ALONE I have come from the darkest caverns of depression and the outer atmosphere of mania through the HEALING words and confirmation that I am not an oddity, as so many in this judgemental world would have us believe.
This site will encourage, uplift, and literally tether you from the various directions that bipolar tosses us DAILY. It is a collection of quotes sent to you daily that comes from the GREATS who obviously knew much more about our illness than some of those currently in the medical field!
Remember knowledge of thyself is a key to controlling this disorder....it is not a curse, nor is it a punishment for deeds past done....but a disorder that is treatable not curable but TREATABLE and part of that treatment is how we feed our minds, how we tend to judge ourselves based on societal pressures...and yet through this site ALONE you can feel the virtual hand uplifting you, the true understanding of the rollercoaster upon which we ride.

BUT in reality it also is a great site for those who just want daily encouragement, daily inspiration and a positive outlook on how we can take control of our own mindset and attitude on life regardless of your health status, life obstacles that block the way for all of us occasionally.

For me it is an invaluable site that is utterly a lifeboat in this sea of a confusing state of affairs: in our nation and abroad. The world is changing yet the quotes you read on this site daily will help you to cope with such intense changes and such a diverse confirmation that being YOU is alright, regardless of what situation you may find yourself in. It is a small amount to subscribe and receive a virtual hug, outstretched hand, and KNOWLEDGE daily!!!

If you ever needed a site to subscribe to it is this one.....please check it out, read the testimonials, notice that this gooddog has been through the throws of so much and yet utilizes the greats of the past who had such vast knowledge and understanding of the humanity of each of us. We can not all fall into that "perfect" mold that society has insisted is NORMAL....actually NONE of us do, regardless of our perception of our self.
I feel rather stingy keeping this site to myself to this point for I have been receiving it for so long now that I would feel lost without it and look forward to it in my inbox each and every day. It is the FIRST email i read in order to get my day in sync with the mood swings or ordeals I may be facing and inevitably it always brings me full circle to recognize ......I am able, I am capable, I am unique and THAT is invaluable. You won't find a better resource for your daily life than this one. Check it out and subscribe and see the change it makes in your daily life too!!

http://www.dailygooddog.com/

I know it will inspire, and uplift and encourage you in your life's journey!! There are various ways to subscribe and starts out at a small amount that totals only 3.95 a MONTH!!!! (or you could go for the longer subscription that rates at about 5.25 a month!)
Please check out the testimonials and you will see just how much this site can help you, regardless of your status, your health, your position in life...if we all just listened to the quotes of the greats and follow their leads then this would be a much easier world to traverse.
I thank the author of this site so much for his words have literally kept me going far too many times to count!!

PS he also has provided a RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS where you can send it to one you know is in need of encouragement or inspiration to keep going, or someone who just loves quotes that are intensly touching and full of knowledge! I hope you subscribe as I have for I know it will make a difference in your life!
ctrygirl

Empty in Content Full in Promise

2009-04-12T05:18:00.005-06:00

To my Dear Friend in Time of Trials

2009-04-12T04:28:00.004-06:00

With each step I think about:

The TRUE worries, woes, and sorrow of a precious friend,
My heart is heavy but I hold up my head,
In Faith, BELIEF, and without one doubt,
I know she is wrapped all about,
Encased in the downy feathery wings,
and to her heart these beings will sing.

Comfort and solace, reflection and memories of good times,
that she had through this thorny climb.
And yet the precipe is so deep,
but remember the wings they keep,
wrapped about her should she stumble along,
THEY, sent by the Lord will keep her strong.

Not necessarily erasing the ordeal from her heart and mind,
but WHEREEVER the MOST Divine,
has instructed the guards he sent to her to keep watch,
As my precious friend's life has had a great loss.

Within the caged bars of thought,
no doubt she's reflecting on the one from which she was brought.
In her darkness so cavernous at this time,
will come a light that grows and shines
into her heart and reveals the fact clearly,
those we love, OH SO DEARLY
Are ALWAYS reflected when the light touches our heart,
for never can such a bond part.

The tether is too tight and daily has been wound
Around our souls and divinely bound.
There are no words yet created,
to ease the current pain where she's saturated.

I myself have been through such a drenching,
of how fast those we love are out of physical reaching.
Yet they are there in many ways,
just something I learned day to day.
As I trudge ever forward, yet quite in rote,
Not realizing or CARING I'd created a moat;
All around me to take time to heal,
it comes into my life even still,
Yet now the moat is a coping skill to deal
with life's hurdles and duties I am meant to fulfill.

And I doubt it ever will part
for just as she, it has taken A PIECE of my heart!
Yet I want to much to hold her hand,
and let her know beside her I stand.
My prayers go upward all day
Praying for some way,
to make her lament less intense,
because our love for her is immense.

Yet the wounds will scar over and always be a permanent part of me and she,
yet together we would mend as best can be expected,
For our FAITH has not been infected.

The blind leading the blind, through a barbed wire fence,
yet I know she can sense,
A virtual hug, shoulder and hand I do extened
to you MOONSHINE my dear sweet precious friend.

REMEMBER I'm here....when you need....
when you're ready....reach out and see you have a friend indeed.
to help you through this time of confusion,
NOT that I have all the solutions,
but whatever I can do my dear,
you know I am always near.
WE LOVE YOU MOONSHINE!
Reflect on that time after time!

If I have Learned ANYTHING

2009-04-07T05:06:00.004-06:00

public dom pic)

If I have learned Anything…

If I have learned anything from this incomplete pass here on earth,
It is not to take things to heart that all seem to judge my worth.
Between the various shades of blues and grays,
Lies so much variety of greens and golden times portrayed.

It is a vicious cycle of deep encompassing darkness
That grasp the very coils of ones brain in the starkness
Of nighttime or amidst the middle of the day,
No one can ever begin to say
WHEN it will reach out its wicked little nails
And penetrate the internal entrails
Of the brain, sending vibrations everywhere,
From the tips of the hair follicles to the base of the ability to care.

It changes ones perspective,
Makes the world seem a little more detailed and defective
As if so many walk mindlessly about
And don’t see what’s affront them no doubt
But is it defense or is it prejudice? You see
For that is what keeps bothering me.

The paranora that comes along with this condition
Won’t let me realize the complete situation,
Or perhaps NO ONE can fully know
The truth of their own soul!

Much less that of others around which they trod
Others that often judge us with words unsaid,
but looks that indicate we don't pass the test,
Judged none-the-less.

But come inside my world for a while as my special guest
and see the line of darkness approaching,
and try with all your might to hold it back its encroaching
like murkiness it will seem from a distance.

Something you can’t keep out by simply building a fence,
for it penetrates the human shell of skin,
and enters into the organs that keep the light within
But it will pass don’t you fear, should you care,
to take a look at what cometh from there,
deep from the wells of depression,
for this little session
will also pass those of us who see it know.
That it is a curtain that eventually will show,
the light behind its veiled material.

And mania will replace it with a sense quite surreal
where you’ll dance and you’ll sing,
you think you have found the answer to everything,
and through the sunshine you will catch the infectious energy
that soon will be spent and back to the lethargy
of feeling the nails grate upon your brain,
and seeing the visions and hearing the voices again.

Those without the empathetic objective,
But to go about their own bubbles no matter how defective
Often making those not allowed inside,
To feel less than denied,
But this one has learned to take it all in stride
And keep up that head no matter what’s going on inside.

For MY GOD doesn’t make mistakes this I know
And nothing this world could over-throw
Or Can change that perspective, although there’ve been times
I’ve wondered what exactly is going on inside.
For I can feel the creeping, I feel the lurking,
I know it is doing its workings!

And YET I face tomorrow, with a little anxiety each morn
No matter what it may bring, there is something for which I am born.
And I hope to fulfill that purpose no matter how small,
One may judge my goal and all,
For MAN’s opinion is not conducive for me
Of what really the quantum world holds, for seldom do I agree.

And that’s alright too, for one thing is certain,
If we don’t agree to disagree then this world is hurtin’
Much more than what we can visibly see,
So I hold the head up that is the TRUE me.

And come what may, come the dark or the light,
I will be here to face it morning or night.
Even if the nights are long and endlessly without sleep,
And the days slowly pass and creep,
Or pacing is the note of the day; along with mania gone astray,
I will attempt to endure it all some intensely personal way.

And it will too pass, and on to another front I face
Ready to do battle with whatever the horizon may embrace,
Sending my way to deal with as I may,
And I happen to choose THIS way;
To believe that tomorrow is a better place,
And with an unsure, scared, yet determined face
I will go into it…

ctrygirl09

solitude and quiet do you get enough?

2009-04-04T18:35:00.005-06:00

A nice reminder from public domain picture that a little of getting to know ourselves inside: the quietness of "us" can work wonders for the spirit and soul and smother the fire within, or the ever dripping heart.
NO matter the mood or situation, TOGETHER we can.
Find support in one form or another but don't forget to look inward at yourself FIRST. For you are the only true keeper of your own mind, ideas, creations,soul, spirit, direction and religion. It is a good thing at times to just be alone and think, and of course there will come moments of deep reflection or times we'd rather forget. Let them go, silently away from the inner you, be who you WANT to be regardless of who tells you NO or you can't.

Take a moment and look within, take a moment and notice where you've been,
where you're going, and how you'll get there..let your heart do the showing,
but know you must be quiet and still, if only for a little while make it your will,
to know thyself..know your direction..at times it seems hard but we're all always under construction, so keep that reflective surface at hand and look through the glass and see the true you..the true ME. I think you'll be relieved!

Cartwheeling Mind

2009-04-03T08:02:00.005-06:00

(pic of my beautiful appalachian homeland)
My mind it swirls and twirls,
And cartwheels and whirls
Over the hurdles without fail,
Up to the mountains and into the dales
Searching forever for a place to be
Searching deeply inside me
To my mind to my soul
To my spirit within
Not knowing what I’ll find in the end,
But I march ever onward,
Head held high,
Mask tightly wound,
Ready to fly…….
But where will I go?
I have yet to figure that out you know,
But I know I will go to places unlimited,
To areas where no one has visited,
And yes, they’ll call me a freak and a weirdo,
But it matters not for God and I know:
That the mind is the instrument for seeking the Truth
And never can it be withheld from God’s youth,
Which is what we all are,
Mere children among the mighty divine,
Just living our lives and thinking we’re fine,
When in reality we are not so,
For something inside us begins to grow,
Something of which we’re most likely unaware,
But never the less it IS always there,
The ability to choose, right from wrong,
But do not take very long,
For the path is narrow and the hill is steep
Don’t let your feet mislead you and your soul you’ll keep

Listening to the Whisperings

2009-03-24T08:00:00.004-06:00

When you hear the whispers enter into your ears,
Then maybe you can listen without tears,
Or perhaps they are pestering and staticy
Or daring, tempting or rackety,
Then you might really know what its like to be
delusional, hallucinatory, or possibly just able to see;
Past the veil that we all wear so poignantly
Claiming that we have nothing others can’t see.

But oh the skeletons are tap tapping upon the door
To show us oh so much more,
Than anyone is wiling or possibly able to admit
That they too have issues that “Fit”
The labels that they have placed upon us,
The decision that they simply MUST
Fix us and do it quick and what they claim is decently
Instead of appreciating the diversity
Lump lump lump into one single pile
Line up for the medicines and do it with a smile!

Such atrocities are prevalent even today,
Although it seems like something from ancient age
A time directly from a historical page
Where those with insight or “visions”
Were locked in the attics and basements like a prison.

Coming out of the closet is quite a task you see
For if the illness should be spread about me,
My small little town would begin that buzzing sound,
And my reputation would be bound,
To an illness that none of them can view,
But regardless they would pull away too!

Just as so many others that I thought I could trust
With the treasured secret of my psyche dust.
For many cobwebs, mist, and distractions,
Definitely affect my reactions!

Even the skeleton that I hide
Deep in the shadows of the closet’s inside,
Behind the draping clothing and mirage of collections,
Sits my bare skeleton.
Yet it too has seemed to don a mask quite vibrantly,
To keep some of its personal decency.

For judgment, stigma, ostracization,
NAH none of that could be outside its closet station.
And if it were, what then I ask?

Would it run clanking back to the task,
Of hiding itself amongst the wardrobe and donning the mask?
Unfortunately it’s the safest spot it seems,
Until society is ready for the stream,
Of realization of the power of the mind,
How bps can be ONLY one of a kind,
NO we aren’t all the same you see
Instead we are very individually…
Our own little entities just as you are too,
So judge us not until you see just exactly what amazing things we can do!

For oh it’s so hard to understand the workings of the mind,
But do you think you have it straight, and know what kind
Of thoughts, ideas, creations we face boldly in our heads,
How we face each day with determination instead
Of luxury of the peaceful mind and body?
Think again my darling, for you haven’t a clue,
Yet you’re trying is a comfort too,
So never give up the vigilant cause
Of accepting others no matter their flaws.

Take care those with the fire within,
To keep your head high and hold up that chin,
For you are a worthy soul, no different from the others,
No matter what gossip or media or the masses cover,
We know the truth, oh so deep inside,
That the path we travel is narrow yet sometimes too wide,
Just take the high road and know
That letting your true colors show,
Can only help you come to fruitation,
For you were made as a special creation….
Just as the rest, only they want to be combined,
Into a group that is rather confined.
Let your creativity flow, let the bp take its course and show,
The AMAZINGLY detailed things that we ALREADY know!

Be Aware and WATCH

2009-03-22T08:39:00.003-06:00

This wonderful quote was passed on to me by the "gooddog" who has a blog also that is absolutely amazing in its insight and healing in the form of thoughts and how we must stay positive and ever looking for that "sun will come up tomorrow" mentality we all need so desperately.

I thought this spoke VOLUMES on how we could utilize our own internal resources and our own actions to thwart the stigmas, to stop us from outbursts of saying things we don't mean when manic, to watch what we do and how we treat others when we are going through the throws of our symptoms and often forget how we are making OTHERS feel by our actions even though it is unintentional, and how our habits DO become our character which ultimately leads to how we deal with the beast within....how we end up coping or succumbing.

I so thank the day that I met this "gooddog" and his inspirational words through yet another bp friend. I hope this is something that gives you pause, that creates an internal review basically that will inspire others to also follow the words below that he sent in his inspirational quotes.

Remember we are all responsible for our actions to OURSELVES our OWN psyche AND AND AND to how we allow the throws of bp to spur us into spending sprees, yell at someone for no apparent reason, or just curl up in fetal position to cope with the depression that overcometh.
Don't get me wrong, this is a REAL illness that is not thwarted only with thought and certainly not something we should take heed of "others" perspective of our behavior for we do NOT control the mania or the depression or all the other various sides that come with it.

I simply felt this could help so many in their own quest to understand SELF....to think on SELF behavior and actions and responses and so forth. I hope you find it as insightful as I. And again I reiterate that i do not believe only thought can remove the diagnosis but believe me attempting in various form to get control of our thoughts no matter how large or how small, and positive outlook of the glass being half full, and utilizing coping skills CAN help...of that I have personaly experienced..
NO it doesn't go away.....YES it makes it alright and manageable more so than without these words of wisdom.

I salute you gooddog!!! ENCORE!!
ctrygirl

Watch you thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; the become habits.
Watch your habits; the become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
Frank Outlaw
(sent from "gooddog"
BIO & WEB Site: http://rochonsculpture.artspan.com/mbr_bio.php
BLOG: http://www.uswalker3.blogspot.com

Spring Awakening

2009-03-20T08:32:00.007-06:00

Spring is nearly upon us and with the changing of the seasons,
I began to contemplate the comparison and the reasons,
Of our individuality
And how our personalities
Can be compared to the winds of change the earth completes
As each season plays out; as the passing season retreats.

In spring time I see the bursting forth of foliage from beneath its soiled bed
And notice that the various types have buds upon their heads,
Just as we emerge from our winter slumbering state,
And realize the possibilities that for us await.
A coming of realization that we are full of potential and growth,
Of knowing that we should make a personal oath,
To learn and discover, to find and to seek
The internal workings of ourselves you see.
For spring is for discovery and new beginnings too
So begin the new season with a revelation becoming simply YOU.

And then we move on forward to the hot sultry days of summer,
When the grasses of the field, and the creatures of the earth march to a different drummer,
Onward we should also go; seeking the revelation of our full potential
Which is absolutely essential
Bursting with sunlight thoughts and clearness of the nighttime skies,
We should rise,
Like phoenix from the flames,
Even through the obstacles that often get in the way.

Enjoy the fiery sunsets, reflect upon the moon
Encompass the nature that encases you for it will be fleeting far too soon.
And then the TRUE colors come bursting forth to be viewed,
Can you identify YOUR true colors as the trees are forced to do?
Of course you can and keep your confidence that you’re a valued being
For through the seasons a message rings…

Listen…be silent…know thyself and come to fruitation
With a revelation
Of who you are and let none stifle your true colors my dear
For all of us are preciously unique and the season is here!!

AWAKEN….AWAKEN and emerge from that wintery bed
Learn of your inner self and stay true instead
Of succumbing to the well worn path traveled far too often
Traverse your own direction and your heart will surely soften
To allow you to accept your TRUE inner self and then,
You will be yourself, and whole once again.

Take the seasons as they come, and let them lead you too
To the inner psyche of your own mind, and let you be simply YOU!
Be careful not to judge another,
Take time to be kind to others,
and remember the foliage you see springing forth has it right,
it judges not day or night
but lives peacefully in its rooted spot
content in its own plot,
and remain its true self throughout the year without competition or fear,
take note and mirror thyself and inner knowledge of thyself will appear!
Enjoy the SPRING for it is HERE!!!

ctrygirl

"Meditate on These Things"

2009-03-19T06:09:00.002-06:00

Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy?meditate on these things.

This is a wonderful reminder to keep thinking and contemplating on the blessings and good things in life and to create a time to contemplate on these.

As bipolar can ravage the minds, tear up one's self confidence, create havoc in an otherwise stable mind, and send one near the precipe of rogue or uncommon behavior: along with send one reeling from the throws of depression to the ravages of mania creating dissention between those who love, care, (and at times often PRETEND to care)about us; tearing relationships into shreds that often need reassembled over and over again like a puzzle thrown upon the floor:

IT IS VITAL that we contemplate on the positive,internalize the knowing of oneself....literally knowing WHO AM I? It is vital that we realize that we are no less than any other human, focusing on our assets to this world, our ever reaching hand to those in need, along with the fullness of the compassion and creativity and LOVE that bipolars so often are misconstrued to be lacking.
Let your light SHINE, let your creativity abound, and remember you are NOT a condition but a HUMAN BEING with a soul not unlike those NOT touched by the lightning within.

Stay strong my fellow BP's and know that TOGETHER we can shed the truth, the noble, the good, the lovely and praise the virtue of our paths.

Tranforming NOT Conforming

2009-03-14T08:52:00.002-06:00

Romans 12:2
(2) And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

So many of us feel the need to "conform" and be exactly as the others amongst us; lest we be ostercized or stigmatized or outsted from the world's acceptance.

However, I realize that we must be comfortable in our own skin in order to realize that we were never meant to CONFORM but to TRANSFORM by what we input into our lives.

Think on that a second..what do you input into your life?

WHO ARE YOU INSIDE?

Can we influence our own transformations?

I personally believe if you input the positive, the creative, the uniqueness of yourself, and accept that we are all meant to be different....transformed into what WE are supposed to be and how WE perceive what is good and acceptable in compliance with God's will....then the self image of one's own life can do nothing but improve.

GO ahead and take that path less followed...and along its shadowy path, amongst its beauty and briars, you will find yourself (if you take the time to contemplate on YOU not the workings of the world, not the neighbors possessions and what you do and don't have, not the status quo of your position in society, but your inner self that you have to live with even after the working hour is over, the socialization ends for the day, the public eye retreats,

for then, and only then, are you faced with the SELF.

YET do not close off the workings of the world for even if you do not comply or conform there are those making decisions FOR you that you have no power to control, therefore you must choose the path, the direction of your own beliefs, your own true moral, ethical, and internal values.

DON"T become oblivious to the world's ways and workings, but be aware of how it influences you, and how you plan to handle such situations.
Shutting oneself off from the knowledge of current workings of one's country isn't of what I speak. For awareness is supreme in this chaotic world, yet putting one's head in the sand (for the lack of a better analogy) is NOT the answer; being PROACTIVE in your beliefs (once you reflect upon them), being a voice in the wilderness for those in need or being affected by the signature of a single man, or just simply staying knowledgeable on the activities in your lawmakers, leaders, and country IS VITAL to being able to follow your path, to being able to tread where your heart desires be it physically or in a lucid state.
AWARENESS is vital for one can not hide from the powers that be on this wordly home, and certainly NEVER from the ONLY power of our TRUE HOME.

Follow the true inner workings of your psyche and being, look closely, look deeply, and traverse your own path. Showing your true colors vividly like a bright rainbow arching over all the obstacles, hurdles, or woes and easing their impact with such intense beauty that they seem miniscule in their volume.

Just remember DON"T conform....TRANSFORM into being yourself, judge not other's chosen path, and try to love thy neighbor for their transition may not yet be complete.
Be tolerant and patient, loving and empathetic, and never loose that inner voice that leads your mind and heart down that narrow trodden path to awareness. I too must follow this advice for far too often it is easy to trip into the crevice of the judgement of others and take that as a meter to measure thyself.
ctrygirl 3/09

Think FIRST

2009-03-09T07:17:00.005-06:00

This poem I found without note of who wrote this, so it isn't MY poem but it speaks so much truth that I felt it pertinent to my blog and how I personally feel. I hope it inspires others as it did me!

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who went too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around

author unknown

Inspirational Quotes From the Greats

2009-03-09T06:57:00.005-06:00

"The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." - Albert Einstein

"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein

"Time and space are modes by which we think and not conditions in which we live." - Albert Einstein

Believe in Yourself Author Unknown

2009-02-26T05:25:00.006-07:00

I have decided to post some inspiring poems that I have collected over the years. It seems that these touching and true poems are often without a specified author. These are not MY words, but words I try so hard to practice and utilize in my life. I hope they inspire you too! (the picture is a beautiful waterfall that is close to my home where I often go to contemplate and meander through the beauty)

BELIEVE!
There may be days when you get up in the morning and things aren't the way you had hoped they would be,

....that's when you have to tellyourself that things will get better.

There are times when people disappoint you and let you down,

but those are the times when you must remind yourself to trust your own judgments and opinions, to keep your life focused on believing in yourself and all that you are capable of.

There will be challenges to face and changes to make in your life,

and it is up to you to accept them.

Constantly keep yourself headed in the right direction for you. It may not be easy at times, but in those times of struggle you will find a stronger sense of who you are, So when the days come that are filled with frustration
and unexpected responsibilities,

Remember to believe in yourself and all you want your life to be, because the challenges and changes will only help you to find the goals that you know are meant to come true for you.

Keep believing in yourself. (author unknown)

Poem BEING Author UnKnown

2009-02-26T05:12:00.008-07:00

a picture of my flowers in the spring!

Being...
It is the letting go of all the
should's, the must's, the have-to's,
the have-nots, the cannots,
the doubts and the guilt.

It is allowing your thoughts to come forth -
without judgement.

It is allowing yourself to feel -
without judgement.

It is allowing yourself to do what you want -
without judgement.

It is allowing yourself to be who you are -
without judgement.

When you allow yourself to be,
You find
Peace, Freedom, Love and Joy
Within you.

Author Unknown

Just realizing all the beauty of YOU is the best favor and treatment you can give to yourself. ctrygirl 2-09

Phases of the Moon and YOU!

2009-02-25T07:14:00.005-07:00

Reference to the moon phases…and how humans aren’t so different after all!
Knowing there are 8 phases of the moon…think of that for a moment and how it could easily be compared to the “phases” of our moods behaviors or state of mental awareness or awakening!

New Moon- This stage is completely dark, completely invisible, perhaps like our “visions, voices, feelings of touch”. This is where the "hidden" aspects of a disorder or condition lurk hiding behind a mask or secluding in order to get a sembelance of understanding before revealing any aspect of the psyche, thoughts, ideas, or even trusting our own perceptions.

Waxing Crescent- Resembles the coming into some realization of our condition and leaving the quiet reflective cationic like stage where awareness is on the verge yet not quite with clarity.

First Quarter Moon (most call this the Half Moon)- A beginning of partly understanding ourselves and our situations as they roll at us, a slight perception of what “phase” or state our bodies are in at the moment.

Waxing Gibbous- This is the growing awareness comparison. During this stage the more we learn how to read our signs the more we lead toward our extreme polarities. It becomes clearer and more and more revealing as it grows with vigor toward FULL BLOWN awareness or recognition of triggers or stages we are in.

Full Moon- Complete and total awareness, (not that we can do anything about it), openness, fully ourselves (our bp selves) and the revealing of all our faults, good points, and our mind revealing our own situations like an open book….speaking fast, moving quick, or laying in a field watching the fullness of the moon’s face and trying to figure out the universe in a sense.
A comparison to when we are fully aware of our mood stage or swing, our triggers and environmental effecting factors. Basically an analogy to FULL acceptance, awareness, or recognition of what will or will not help us, get us through the day, or if in stage of euphoria how to hold on to the bliss and beauty. This is the stage of educational awareness of the disorder in a sense; for with full face on we face the hurdles and blessings alike, affront us.
Waning Gibbous- The slow descent of coming down from the mania or depression gradually dissolving away the situation the full realization took us. With masks ready to be donned and headed toward the darker side of the moon’s phases, we once again begin the reclusive descent into a darker or more secluded area of our psyche.
Third Quarter or what most call Crescent- The right of the moon gets the light first, so this is kind of like seeing the OTHER side of our lives or our brains, or our situations where we hopefully realize it’s alright. Things seem ready to ease up on our minds a little…but as is it’s nature, not for long!

Waning Crescent- The last of the reflecting light: the closing descent into our minds of deep thought, headed to complete darkness, and confusion of our situations however sometimes leading to more internal awareness…either way inevitably leading ALL toward darkness where IF utilized correctly, we can reflect and think on our current phase…becoming Proactive in our approaches to situations and conditions and prepare ourselves for the complete and total eclipse of light yet finding comfort in the inky blackness.

THEN WE FIND OURSELVES BACK TO THE COMPLETE DARKNESS OF THE NEW MOON!!! To start the phases over and over again cycling through each 291/2 days! The journey is exhilarating and enlightening, don’t let it cast a shadow but enlighten!

Never forget as you view the moon's phase that all things are interrelated in some sense or another. And that what you CHOOSE to take and see from the natural process of the moon's phases can be revealing, disturbing, comforting, blissful or just awareness unknown.
But please do not forget to glance also at the twinkling, promising stars of places yet unknown of ideas yet created, of dreams yet to be fulfilled. The ever spark like light generating from the stars above should serve as a beacon of rememberance that we are all a part of the whole, we are all given a light to face...we must simply turn our eyes, heart, and mind toward its comforting warmth!
ctrygirl 2009

A Different Form than the Norm?

2009-02-21T08:18:00.007-07:00

Often I find myself picking up on so many detailed aspects of ordinary things around me, and it makes me wonder, contemplate and realize that we are all, HUMANS included, diverse and original in God's design of things for a reason.
It is for this purpose and to thwart the stigmas that trail behind so many of us like an unwanted yet tied shadow, that I began to blog in the first place, along with the fact that it is a coping skill that helps me through the day(...writing, photography, nature in its finest form..NATURAL).
Through my writings I can only hope to reach out and let others know that there is NO MOLD for humankind, nor for nature as you can clearly see in the picture I included with this post.
What a boring and dull world this would be if it were the case that we found it pertinent to make all cloned into a model of what "others" may feel is the ONLY way to be, the ONLY way to look, the ONLY way to think.
Therefore, I just thought some may find my other blog site interesting or informative.
It is encompassed with helping those that may feel as if they are misunderstood or alone in their journey through this chaotic and often confusing world. Not that I have all the answers, that is for sure, but possibly, just possibly relating and realzing one is not isolated in their attempts to overcome whatever obstacles are placed before them can somehow soothe the pain, sorrow, anger, or various other aspects of a condition be it bipolar or depression.
Perhaps it will bring realization that contorting oneself to fit the "mold" isn't quite worth the effort of losing oneself in the process.

Yes, the hurdles are tall, yes the symptoms are real (far too real at times), yes the road is filled with potholes, sinkholes, and rough terrain. But it is also filled with sunbeams,moonlight,unique wildlife and foliage, stars shining up above, mysterious soothing shadows, firmness beneath our feet (which at times I know some of us feel there is a vast gaping void beneath us that we must tip toe around in order to avoid the plunge), and most of all there is a partner beside you visible or not...HE is always there, always with you down each road, over each hurdle, and healing the symptoms that often rage within (not always RIGHT when we feel it is needed but when HE in his infinite wisdom knows the exact perfect time).

I try to keep the glass half full, the positive energy flowing, and the faith that we are all facing our demons in one form or another (even if others admit it or not). Perhaps something on this other blog will reach out and help someone in someway. I hope you enjoy it.
ctrygirl

http://ctrygirlspeaks.blogspot.com/

I felt the Angel with me Today

2009-02-20T05:41:00.005-07:00

I felt the Angel
I felt the angel’s feathered wings wrapped securely about my soul
As I wandered outward and saw my footprints in the snow,
But the angel did not leave me, nor I it’s loving embrace,
Instead it followed me undauntingly and kept up my manic pace,
It soothed my inner soul, it cooed and spoke so softly
That others all about me could not hear the whisperings from the spirit so lofty
It told me of a purpose, it told me of a plan
And never did it leave me or let go of my hand,
I needed its warm comfort, its tender touch so dearly
And the angel seemed to know that I was falling quite fiercly.

Yet no one else seemed to notice, the humans so self claimed wise
But the angel that wrapped me tightly knew what was inside,
It spoke of times a coming where I would feel no more pain and strife
It spoke to me of a moment when I would receive eternal life
Then it gave me visions, so vividly clear and precise
I could not doubt its relevance and my plummet to the vice
Of all mankind and unbelievers and how they will forget
That the Promise was for all mankind but they have a different mindset

How beautiful was its high-pitched voice,
And it gave me quite a choice,
To listen to my inner self and follow the path I’m given
Or listen to the world at large and forget about my mansion in heaven
So I chose to listen to the voice and follow the narrow path.

But so few understand or see what the angel predicted is coming
Annihilation, destruction and strife, as the drums of war are drumming,
The people have become so hardhearted, judgmental and untouched
By the WORD or by the angels although they try so much
Awakening the world they attempt each day
To the travesties and horrors they see in so many ways,
Yet the drummers keep on drumming
And the marchers keep on coming…
What is an angel to do?
But walk with me and you
And remind us of the mansion of peace and grace,
Lest we forget that special place,
That awaits us, warm in angel’s wings
I hear and will remember all these things.
ctrygirl 2008

Not just on Valentine's but ALL Through the Year

2009-02-13T08:06:00.007-07:00

TO The Man I Love

You have made my life a wonderful dream come true,
for without you my dearest husband I wouldn't know what to do.

Although I face many obstacles your hand is always near,
to help me through the toughest of times and wipe away my fears.

Even during times when I don't fit the worldly mold,
You accept, you support, you keep my secrets untold.

When I am confused at the treatment I receive from those I least expect it,
That is when your heart reaches out and makes MINE most lit...

To get me through the ordeal, no matter the intensity or pain it brings,
for you my dear are preciously attached to my very own heart strings.

I want so much for you to know that having you beside me,
has given me so much awareness of true love,that even I often can't believe...

How much you are a part of me, and I a part of you,
and how delicately the Lord brought us together too.

I love you beyond any words that Webster has created,
and my mind and heart is FULLY saturated,

With the things I thought I'd never experience or know,
but all these things you have shown.

And now I fully realize and feel so completely blessed,
that i will not go to my eternal rest...

not knowing what it means to be loved unconditionally by a mate.
My darling husband you've reopened the gate,

to my heart and soul and as one we traverse,
forever across this universe.

I LOVE YOU DARLING!

Moonbeams and Moondust amongst the Dark Side of the Moon

2009-02-07T08:38:00.005-07:00

Moonbeams and Moondust
By Country girl 2008

As I look upward to the universe, a vast place
I notice a bright shining moon keeping up a pace.

Across the great expanse of the sky it moves,
Shining beautiful beams and lighting all the grooves,
Lighting the path upon which I am traveling,
Keeping me safely from unraveling,
Offering beauty and light and dreams
So poignantly bright, a lighted path it seems,
I so want to traverse up the path of beauty,
And peek at what hangs endlessly above me.

And what did I see that bright moonlit night?
A billion stars that surround its light,
A combination of encouragement and hope;
A satisfaction that it helps me to cope.

With all the daily issues that come my way,
I need the moonbeams today,
To keep my stars so visibly lit,
And walk me through this bit by bit.

For turmoil of the world quite affects me its true,
But the GOD SENT moonbeams to help us renew,
Our inner selves and keep us in awe
Of all the beauty he has created without flaw.

But there is another side of the moon we will never ever see
The Dark side of the moon, representing the key
To the fact that all things made by the creator,
Have a dimensional equator.

That pulls on our hearts and fills our minds,
With darkness and shadows, the bp kind,
Some of which we may not yet know,
Yet they are there, waiting to emerge and put on quite a show!

Just as the dark side of the moon doesn’t remove its mask
And show its face to the world, in mass
Revealing its craters, bumps and dunes,
Since mankind can only see ONE kind of moon,
The bright side of the lunar body,
Yet there is a hidden side that could disembody
The image that others hold of the nighttime light,
Instead they’d avoid it with all their might.

For it doesn’t fit the mold they adhere to
Instead it wears its mask like I do,
Only showing the world its bright positive sides,
Keeping the skeleton of rages, mood swings, & depression, it hides.

But the dark side holds the secrets so true,
It holds all the skeletons of and for you;
Hiding behind the reflection of earth,
And keeping them internally, for all its worth
To keep the mask over its darkened face,
Forever; for it is quite clever.

A smile for those who look to the heavens, to see
nothing BUT a smiling moon, but they are deceived.
It refuses to let them peak, at the darker side full of mystery
Full of ideas and ways to not repeat past history.

For even something as beautiful as the moon,
In all its glorious light, under which many swoon,
Has a dark side quite hidden from view
For a reason that is my dear, my child,
For there are things that may make it seem quite wild,
And the masses would surely never see the moon’s smile
From that point forward it would be blamed endlessly
For causing them to see,
Just a little past the light, past the shining beams
They cannot grasp and would take to extremes,
To lock it up, to hide it away
Or ignore it for a day.

Never would they understand,
That the universe as it now stands,
Is a complete mixture of light and dark,
Some you see and some leave a mark.

Of course outside the box they will not pass,
Until finally at last,
They try to harness the moonbeams bright light
Instead of letting It rule the night.

For back and forth it ever goes and yet
It is so tired at times and you can BET
Manic at other times it has to be true,
For the moon reflects so many of MY own moods.

The dark side no one knows,
Is lurking right behind the lit up face,
And sprinkling moon dust that most won’t embrace.

But as the stars shine directly overhead of the moon,
The stars understand and can see the darkness loom,
They know that at any given time
The moon could suddenly stop its climb
And make it only half way to peak stage
But the stars surround it like a cage
And protect its beauty, both light and dark
Knowing that the two shall never part,
But instead be as one forever more,
And visible from sea to shining shore.

But only the stars will understand,
When the moon don’t want to show its full hand,
And directly at guard they will be
To keep the moonbeams shiny as can be.

There’s a darkness from rising or turning about
So no one can see what it’s all about.

This good vs. evil upon mother earth
Is rampid and judgmental (not to even mention the worst)
Of what mankind can say and do
To make the dark side of the moon untrue
And yet it is a law not a theory,
That caused the discovery of this but they are still leery.

The Stars above hanging out with the moon,
Will know that it won’t be long, it will be soon
That the stars will need the moons encouragement too
And together they can thwart what others thought they KNEW.

Instead hand in hand they keep their place,
Like partners over the night time sky,
For should the moon ever start to cry,
The stars would turn the tears into dewdrops upon the land,
And utilize its dark side, and take a stand!

For the moon will return the favor one day,
When humans try to stray
From realizing there is a struggle between good and evil, a night and a day,
And without the moon and stars up above,
The world would be quite absent of love.

So moonshine, keep shining that beautiful face,
Know that the stars are right in their place,
Close enough to reach out and touch,
Close enough to dry the tears no matter how much.

For they know dearest moonshine of the worth,
Of a friend and a light source upon this earth,
You are the ruler of the nighttime sky;
And what you see so far above has to make you cry.

Therefore the dark side of the moon is quite beneficial
For it shows the universe that nothing is superficial,
That we need the dark to appreciate the light
And the stars will be beside the moon day or night,
Ready to catch a moonbeam or two,
Or reach out to seek comfort from its sunny side too.

But sharing the night sky is a wonderful treat
And stars shine brightly in their chosen seat
Beside the ever changing face of the moon,
Just to let it know, and let it know soon,
That it is loved, both light and dark
Nothing can change that, for the stars will never part
From their celestial position and guardian of light
And for their friends they’d gladly fight,
Right up to the end together they’ll be
Forever and ever look overhead and you’ll see.

I love ya moonshine…even the moon dust holds magic ya know!!

Count and Look UP

2009-02-06T05:38:00.004-07:00

"and lo and behold I DID look up and realized our home was arched with THE PROMISE" (this is taken at my home from my front yard before a bad storm)

This poem was given to me and I thought it far to precious to inpsiring not to share. The person who gave it to me didn't know the author....but it is how we all should face each day.

Count your blessings instead of your crosses:
Count your gains instead of your losses:
Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your health instead of your wealth:
Love your neighbor as much as yourself.

Windows to the Soul that ONLY a True Love can Know

2009-02-02T07:30:00.007-07:00

Dedicated to my wonderful husband who has endured so much with, for, and beside me through all trials, tribulations, and odd situations. He is the LOVE of my life and has always been; perhaps this brief attempt at a poem will explain just how much he does mean, and how he can see "behind the mask" and accepts me for who I AM. I LOVE YOU MY DEAR!
Ctrygirl 1/09

Not only to the Soul

Through YOUR eyes I see so much,
Such trying, such love and a PERFECT human touch,
Yes, all that is in your look,
Believe it or not, never or tomorrow, but I can read you like a book.

There’s too much invested so deeply there
We’re talking my heart, my mind, my body and soul here.

Nothing to your eyes has ever compared,
Ever, no matter how hard I dared.

That TRUE love and compassion will never ever be found in another,
For your eyes have spoken to me, and in my heart ALWAYS hovered.
.
I see it my dear, I really really do,
But know that I don’t know WHY it’s coming from you.

WHY and HOW and HOW LONG can you show this deep-seated love?
Or are you destined to me from above?

I look into the windows quite often, even when they are closed
I watch them when open, and watch them when you doze.
They fascinate me to see my own reflection there,
And wonder, just why does he DARE
To love someone like me, someone quite flawed you see
Who evidently can’t show him how deeply HE is loved by ME!!

It’s as if I feel a PART of him, a limb just not permanently attached,
But tethered together, and if you ask me we perfectly match.

But HIS opinion, oh it means so much
And deeply my heartstrings they touch.

And go for the windows….
The windows as they are lifted of the blinds,
The windows that show what all is behind.

Does he look as deeply into mine? I can’t help but wonder,
And if he does, does he see things asunder…
Does he read the mental notes upon the floor,
Does he open that ever-closed door?

These eyes have seen things,
They have known things are there
When others were oblivious to the presences everywhere.

Never a word was spoken between
My precious love when he also has seen,
The obvious glazing or intense stare,
When I look to things others say aren’t there.

They have envisioned the past with the touch of a finger,
And closed softly so the memory of it could linger.

They’ve seen sorrow, misery, and pain,
But they’ve also see happiness, love, and gain.

They have looked down and then upward toward heaven for answers,
But curiosity inside them grows, education like a cancer,
Eating slowly at the mind behind these eyes,
For they have seen things past and present die.

Sadness fills the empty black space within, deeply embedded
Forever to it they seem wedded.

The mask doesn’t hide the eyes, don’t you find that absurd,
For everything can be SEEN but not heard,
Therefore what is the point of the mask?
If it doesn’t hide the whole point of it’s task???

But he knows, if he looks as deep as I hope
Then he too will see how hard it is to cope.

He sees my efforts; he’ll see my love so intensely deep,
And know that I am the woman he wants to keep….
In spite of the things he seems to endure,
Things to me that must be obscure,
For oh I try so hard to be the best wife I can be,
To the man that has always been a part of me.
Just look in the windows and you will see…

But be prepared;
For if you dare,
You may not see the things my love can detect,
Instead you may encounter MANY defects.

But know that his love sustains me and encompasses me so,
That nothing can penetrate or alter the LOVE that I know.

So many don’t have such a resource or intense love
So therefore I MUST believe he is sent from ABOVE.

And for that I’m eternally grateful and blessed,
For without him I’d surely be feeling much less,
Than a person who deserves love and care,
But the Lord sent me an angel with which to share.

TIME HEALS??

2009-01-31T17:49:00.004-07:00

"......Time does NOT heal, it makes a half-stitched scar that can be broken and again you feel GRIEF as total as in it's first hour"
by Elizabeth Jennings

I thought this quote was very important for us all to remember and to hold as a rule of thumb.

Although it doesn't offer us an inspiration that time heals all wounds per say...but I NEVER believed that for I'm living proof of the fact.

If you have a heart, a mind, an emotion left in your spirit and soul, time can not take care of such things. It is the mere passage of days, nights, weeks, months, and years, NOT a physician or shaman.

We must realize that we all walk around with our own skeletons and woes. Therefore we must try to walk a mile in another's shoes FAR before judging them from their outter appearance or behavior.

For NO ONE knows the journey they have travled, the grief they have encountered, the abuse that they endured, or the path that their lives have taken.

Judgement is NOT ours to make.
As a civilized society (of which i often wonder if we are truly civilized in the true sense of the word), we must realize that time doesn't heal all and that some may be in our lives that relive hard, grief stricken, or unknown obstacles over and over, no matter their attempt to push it to the back of their minds. The mind doesn't quite work that way, everything we have encountered, experienced, learned and so forth is intricately stored within the curling crevices and hidden spots within our brain!

Remember the HEART rules the soul. Therefore tolerance and at least consideration in the very least should be commonplace. Sad to think that it isn't. That we judge RIGHT off from outward appearances.

Trust me we ALL wear a mask...take your own off for a bit and look hard. Has time healed all YOUR wounds? Are you a perfect entity that is fit to judge others??

COMPASSION is the key to so many things, and education about a person's life the lock. Take the time to unlock the door and step inside another's shoes before you think you have them figured out or even begin judgement.

No One is Immune or Alone facing the demons we ALL own

2009-01-31T08:35:00.005-07:00

1 Peter 5:8-9
(8) Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. (9) Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world

Dance with your Passions

2009-01-31T08:27:00.004-07:00

Dancing with my Passions

Ctrygirl Oct 2008

I’ve been dancing with my passions,
Working to keep myself in action,
While attempting to keep an even keel
Without displaying how I feel.

For who could understand
That these woods around me stand
To keep me guarded and grounded from pain,
That I feel each morning over and over again?

Notice the snowflake and hear it fall gently,
Look at the skeletal trees bared so intensely,
Face the sunrise, and HEAR the sunset.

Always look for the light no matter how it may try
To duck and dodge and peak and hide.
Dance a little while,&do not letanything interrupt your coping skills,
Find out what it is that will
Keep you proactive and positive in your quest
To do only what can be expected…your BEST!

Creativity is VITAL to a peaceful existance

2009-01-30T09:24:00.005-07:00

Creativity the Core of My Existence

So many upon this weary earth seem to believe that creativity is something that is a bonus in life, when in fact it is a LIFE sustaining entity far beyond explanation for some of us who exist TO create.

Be it drawings, paintings, spinning stories of interest be they fact or fiction, capturing the sunset or stars with our photography, or more self sufficient creativity such as creating rag rugs from material that would otherwise be deemed useless, improvising on how to survive on a dime and still remain happy within our daily life. Even reverting back to habits of childhood like simply watching the clouds transform into various shapes, figures and forms, following a ladybug as it travels up a blade of grass, or inspecting ant hills as they busily go about their business of preparing for winter diligently.

Creativity, ironically, is so hard to capture into words for it is a persona all in its own genre. It is the ability to tap into the mind that so often goes overlooked, and often, yes more often than not, is quite unappreciated and deemed “odd” or a sign of “abnormality” of sorts.

Creativity often involves silence, the sense of being STILL, and listening to the various directions the neurotransmitters are going and then following the path. Sadly stifling this beautiful gift of creativity has become quite a NORM among the public schools, among the masses of citizens, the media (who determine what is “art” and what is beyond their comprehension therefore deemed abnormal or the “edge of sanity” per say). What a travesty this is!

For instance I was a teacher for many years; before I could no longer work due to my disabilities, and it broke my heart so many times to view such diverse discrimination against those children who just had to somehow get that creativity to the forefront and share it with their mentors. I will NEVER forget one such child that would complete her work in perfect order and record time, and yet as she waited to turn in her paper she would doodle per say, along the margins of her paper. I being one of the “disorder” (yet unaware of what it was that made me so “different” for I wore the mask so tightly, and had yet to be diagnosed, yet knew I was not of the same “mold” as the general masses) appreciative beyond words the creativity especially from one of such a young age, would praise her and tell her that her school work was amazing and her art work something she should pursue in a drawing pad and never quit doodling along the sides after her work was done for it gave me a lot of joy. Unfortunately, the very next teacher on her schedule offered her DETENTION for drawing on the sides of her paper.

I guess the whole point of my post is simply to make others aware of the beauty and the intensity that creativity is stifled in this world, in so many areas of our life that we often fail to notice how detrimental it has become to our youth, our nation, our well being per say: for I certainly believe the “arts” of any form are such an outlet, especially for those of us who are “touched by the fire”. It is an escape, a therapy, and a form of healing for me in so many ways. It comes in thoughts, in art, in creating, in uniqueness of verbal communication, in writings, and YES in doodles along the side of a piece of notebook paper too!

I also feel compelled to tell about another coping skill that I have utilized besides the “arts” and it is NATURE!! Oh the smell of a crisp fall day, the gentle breeze against our faces, the sunset sizzling downward to bring on the night, the clouds dancing across the sky in so many various colors, shapes and sizes and the sentinel trees majestically stretching their arms above us, and at this time of year showing their BARE skeletal forms. Oh if only I could take your hand and lead you through the deer paths and the forests that surround my humble, very humble home, I can’t help but feel it would be a therapy you would pursue as often as possible. To just be ONE with nature, to dig into the soil and retrieve a plant that can then blossom in our yards, to feel the leaves crunch beneath your feet, to hear the snow drifting and landing so intricately gentle; all seem to make me realize how very small and how such a small part of this vast beauty we all are. It was put here for our enjoyment and for our health, mentally and physically, for the Lord tells us he put all we need right here for us, we just haven’t found it all yet in my opinion.

My husband and I dig ginseng, yellow root, black cohosh, and bloodroot and sell it to a very humble man in the hollers of our Appalachian area. He in turn sells it to the companies that turn it into medications and use it to find new cures for things we encounter. For instance, we all know ginseng goes for quite a bit of money per pound, but that isn’t what we do it for…we do it for appreciation of the land, for the hopes of a cure being found for some illness or another. BUT we dig the black cohosh the MOST and it goes for the LEAST…for it is used in studies to help cure cancer. Since both of us lost a family member to cancer; well, it means more to us than the money and believe me the difference in pay is VERY large between the various roots, (Cohosh being the least of all in returns) IF you look at monetary value.

But I will say this, if you haven’t tried gardening, digging in the soil to plant or reap, or just discovering the great outdoors there are many studies that show that those that DO show marked difference in their depression. That is a real study and I will find the website to post but at the current time I won’t post it unless others are interested.

It is very very therapeutic and really refreshes the mind and the spirit in my opinion. I can literally come in from a hike in the woods where I quietly and I stress QUIETLY begin winding through the woods and emerge feeling like a whole new being, able to cope, able to breath deeper and with a new frame of mind. It makes me realize the simple things are often the best things for us. Yes we need our medications and we need our therapists to that there is no doubt, but we also need oneness with the environment around us.

I also have found that I like to carry my camera with me every time I enter the woods and often find a unique or beautiful scene or object to capture in photography. I believe bps see the world through a variety of colored glasses and well, some of the pics I take I have recognized as something others would step over, ignore, or simply not appreciate. For instance I find trees that are often odd in their shape or seem to be reaching out for attention, I find sun filtering through the sassafras trees in an amazing way that illuminates not only the forest floor but also ME, I see grapevine tendrils curling parasitically around branches and brambles, I find trees with oddities in their form or bark, I discover the beauty of lichen upon tree trunks and colored fungus growing on the forest floor. I also find inspiration in capturing the wind tickling the leaves scattering them in random order beneath my feet, I find fallen acorns sprouting, hickory nuts half eaten by a rogue squirrel or chipmunk, and of course wildlife peeking at me from heights and crevices...it literally is an emerald city of beauty to behold!

I just want to encourage others through this post to get out and explore a little of their environment, take time to be STILL take time to notice the details for we are such a creative group of people and nature offers it all.

Just like the little girl who was ostracized for being an artist in her free time in a classroom, we too are often misunderstood and stigmatized, but being at one with nature (and I mean to indicate the "nature within and surrounding us"), feeling the deeply intense peace it offers, and realizing we are a small, small part of this universe, well it humbles and keeps our spirits up to be amongst the beauty.

Just a thought from a simple ctry girl who loves her hollers, valleys and mountains and has inherited the love of it all from my grandparents…and parents…it has brought me from the brink so many times and has helped me gain perspective on my problems at hand just being still among the towering oaks, dogwoods, redbuds, buckeyes, hickories and starch white sycamores.

IF you haven’t tried a nature walk as therapy, please do, you’ll be amazed! AND don’t forget the camera for I’m sure you’ll find much to capture if nothing else but inner peace. Which we all, everyone, not just bps, NEED!
With hopes that you will give it a try as a coping skill!!!

The Lighthouse

2009-01-28T09:39:00.015-07:00

Coping and Finding Answers
I am posting this basically to vent and get some things out of my head. I am a person who really likes to write, as some of you know by the length of my posts of my replies and I apologize if it ever gets too long, I DO try to restrain myself but oh the words just keep leaking from my brain to the fingertips and almost as if i have no control!

I am going through a very very stressful time right now but I also am very good at utilizing my coping skills:or USED To be it seems,for some reason an intensely stressful situation or an argumentative or uncomfortable environment can literally send me reeling: and from an OUTSIDE source this permeates to my inner core, it comes not from my family and loved ones, but the SOURCE is not the subject, but HOW to overcome the hurdles that we often must vault, crawl under, or sidestep.

I know that stress can affect a bp....and i know it can trigger a lot of symptoms in us for I am an education ADDICT and learn a lot about this disorder....but my problem being:
HOW does one overcome when even the coping skills, the HOTLINE,the thought
and meditation attempts do not work??

When this world overruns even our ability to use what skills we do have to deal with this disorder: by its greed, its thinking always within the "normal" box (they call it anyway), the monetary obsession, the ignorance or sheer inattention to what they do to their fellow man/woman..the ones touched with creativity, unique ideas, inventive ideas, artistic ability, dreamers, creators, and on and on it goes....spurnned or looked as oddities or strange or not conforming!!

Do they not see the tree for the forest??

Do they not see the blade of grass for the wholeness of the lawn?

Do they not see the intricate details all around us??

The grains of the sand that make up the beach?

The small twinkling star that seems so tiny and far away but makes up part of the vast milky-way we all live in TOGETHER?

The delicate sound of the snowflakes as they lightly touch down upon the ground?

Oh I don't know why I am posting such things; but my frustration level is far up,
My tolerance way down,
My coping skills simply out to lunch,
And I just don't know anymore, how to take this ever shifting world,
Such changes!
So many claiming to know what is best for ALL for the common GOOD, when no two of us are alike, therefore HOW can they claim such things and then attempt to enforce them????

OH how that sounds far too familiar to days gone by when things weren’t so favorable for those of us living “outside the box”.

When I consider the rapidity of the changes that this nation is encountering, I am quickly reminded of my OWN rapid cycling, yet in human form they label it and put a stigma to it!

When I think of how I must stay positive, I must believe we aren’t being led as sheep to the slaughter or it physically and mentally effects me (SO I UTILIZE those coping skills QUICK! Be it writing, reading, scripture, quotes of positive nature, photography, beekeeping, a walk in nature which is utterly my salvation, or being with family who love me unconditionally).

At times, I can even feel my heart beating different, my blood moving through my veins, the weight of the clothing on my body along with each and every seam that they hold. Each sound is a sonic boom, each light like staring into a lighthouse bulb......

But that is just it!....

THE LIGHTHOUSE!!

The lighthouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ONE shining light (and ONLY one) I must turn to in times like this.
We must realize it is there all the time!!

I knew writing was therapeutic for me, now I have my proof!! tehee

In the process of just letting my fingers flow over the keyboard, I have found my own answer...the ONE light. The one that has been with me all my life and will never leave me.

I must focus on that when times such as these trigger me, and we ALL must know our triggers in order to even begin to cope.

I know my issues are not life threatening, just life altering, and for that I am eternally grateful to my Lord: for it is just a CONDITION not a curse (as some would have us to believe).

I AM thankful, yes thankful, for the unique perspectives it has lent me, for the creativity that literally builds until it feels it will burst inside me (until I release it through means such as this; writing or other forms of creativity).

I also am thankful for the best support system I could ever have in the love of my life, my wonderful husband whom without, well, much healing would not have occurred. I love him so! AND he loves me UNCONDITIONALLY!!!(imagine that!!!)

I know that no one can take away my memories and love I have within and from others, along with FOR others, I know that NOTHING can change the love I have for my SAVIOR, and I know no human or situation or environment can keep him at bay.

I also know that I am creative, maybe not in everyone's eyes and that is the beauty of creativity, DIVERSITY and personal choice, opinion, and variety of ways to express it!

I know that I am a PERSON FIRST< A CHILD OF GOD!

I know that I am appreciative, awed, and inspired by natural things around me in nature.

I know that I am who I've always been and that is different...but that is ALRIGHT for the lighthouse shines the same for us all!!

WOW writing IS THERAPY!!
Even if it isn't something others would want to read, it sure help to empty my mind where tonight I MIGHT JUST GET TO SLEEP if only for 3 hours, or 2 or even 1.....who knows?

But if you endured this post...thank you and please understand that I needed to post.

Sorry it held no knowledge or helpful advice....but wow had to get ‘er out.....that creative part of us that MUST express ourselves or BURST and wasn't ready to burst!!!
A shocked and bit relieved!

Ctrygirl 2009/1/18

PS; had to go back and change the title...DID have it as STRESS AND HOW IT AFFECTS BPS!!!! This was posted to let others know that I TOO understand the hurdles we face, that I MAY be able to offer a helping hand or a different view of how bipolar is viewed and dealt with on a daily basis.
It basically was to reach a virtual hand out and let others know that they are NOT alone in this narrow path's journey.

One of my Fav Songs that holds meaning for us all

2009-01-27T15:17:00.004-07:00

ONCE IN A BLUE MOON

I found your letter in my mailbox today
You were just checking if I was okay.
And if I miss you you know what they say,
Just once, in a very blue one
Just once in a very blue moon,
Just once in a very blue moon, and I feel one
coming on soon,

No need to tell me you want to be friends,
Help meto get back on me feet again…..
And if I miss you its just now and then,
Just once in a very blue moon
Just once ina very blue moon,
Just once in a blue moon, and I feel one coming on soon,

There’s a blue moon shininging
And I’ am reminded of all we’ve been through
Such a blue moon shining
Does it ever shine down on you?

You act as if it never hurt you somehow
Like I’m the only one getting up from a fall
Don’t you rememeber
Can’t you recall
Just once in a very blue moon
Just once in a very blue moon,
Just once ina very blue moon, and I feel one coming on soon

Just once in a very blue moon………………………………….

(ps the pic of the moon is when it is closest to the north pole and since of course i've not been there that is not a pic i took, ALTHOUGH all others ARE unless i specify and I will specify when a pic isn't mine but public domain pic instead.)

The warmest appreciation

2009-01-27T12:25:00.003-07:00

I just wanted to make sure that I THANK SO MUCH my dear friend "moonshine" and "the Good Dog" for they are such an inspiration to me. Moonshine introduced me to the most inspiring and uplifting blogger there is GOOD DOG and for that I am grateful. To GOOD DOG please keep up the vigilant hard work of keeping us all "sane" and looking toward that light that shines in ALL OF US! You are a special person to reach out to so many, selflessly!
And to my wonderful family and husband who without, I am not sure what would have become of me during the trials that face one with my disorder. I thank you all so much and NEEDED to say so. You are LOVED!
"so shines a good deed in a weary weary world" Dahl

I whisper to the trees, and they seem to answer me

2009-01-26T06:51:00.007-07:00

The Trees Around Me

Ctrygirl in honor of trees;

I whisper to the trees,
My secret thoughts and inner being,

Knowing that they will forever hold
The secrets that I vividly told,

Standing majestically by my side
Giving me a place to hide

And offering an outreached limb
To lean upon when things look dim

A bark that is as tough as steel
They take in my outburst without ill will

Enduring the kicks or the punching I must release
They understand the peace
That afterwards I will endure
After getting it all out, a self coping cure

Yet I would not purposely harm one twig
And they know the honor that I feel they bring

To my life and to all those who know not
The beauty and the peace that I have sought

Beneath their spreading branches so vast
I spend my moments under the spell they cast

Of UNDERSTANDING of acceptance complete
They judge me not and do not deplete

The humanity inside me, the creativity and thoughts
Things that with other living beings I can share not

They hold me up when I am weak
The offer me somewhere to lean my cheek

When tears pour down, and sorrow comes
In my ears I hear their hum

Of internal workings so missed by others
Yet I hear their cry to be discovered

I know their value their misunderstood worth
For I too experience this same turf

Of being considered a disposable entity
When in fact my value goes on to infinity

Yet never a word they speak aloud
Internally the voice is rather profound
They speak of peace,
They speak of hope,
They speak of promise and breath of life
Yet so often they also go through the strife.

Perhaps that is why I venture to them
Each time I seem to need a friend.

And others would view this as absurd and strange
Yet I care not for I’ve always ridden that train

Of being the odd one out and so
I sit beneath my precious oak
And listen to its tales of old
Be they in my mind or really told

Sometimes it’s hard for me to discern
For so close I feel nature’s churn,

Its moody, its rapid cycling too
And yet no human can I get that through

They are also mixed mood and diverse
In their approach to this universe

So I have found a friend indeed in their presence
Amongst the trees that surround my residence.

Take a look if you dare to open your mind
To the things you step over time after time
And see if you don’t feel a connection somehow
And a coping skill that gets you through the here and now

For we all need the venting, the release of our condition
It is there in nature I HAVE to mention

For it is there for us all you see,
Our creator knew they had more to offer you and me

He placed them here for our comfort and to serve us well
But also for the times of sorrow and joy you’ll be able to tell

If you just be SILENT, just be still
And know that the trees and nature as well

Will comfort you in times of need or confusion
And not be judgmental but you’ll feel a fusion
With the quantum entanglement of this world
Where all living beings are secretly curled

Meandering and Thinking

2009-01-25T21:32:00.005-07:00

I meander through the forest,
Looking for peace and a quiet course,

That I can utilize to take my way back home,
As slowly I walk through the dogwood dome,

Thoughts race back and forth through my head,
Not tormenting but rapidly cycling instead,

From one point then on to another,
I traverse one side of the brain to the other.

Nothing can stop its rapidity,
Not medication or therapy.

Some say just shut it down, ignore its voices,
Ignore the visuals, ignore the olfactory, its all by choices,

But oh my dear,
Let me set you clear,

None of this is by preferencial choice,
It is the hand I was dealt of course,

And I don’t deem it a curse, a punishment handed down from above,
Instead it seems to fit me like a glove,

Tight against my mind’s container
It meaders about forever,

And change me it has, it’s literally disabled,
And yet I feel my heart is still able,

To discern and to know and to love and to care
To see things, hear things, know things that others would swear are not there,

I can not concentrate or focus too long,
And never able to sit still regardless of the swing I am on,

Yet I will endure and this shall too soon pass,
For the promise I hold on up till the last,

Knowing that I am disabled and yet I remain,
The same person, INSIDE< I’m the same.
Just say my name and know
But also know there are moments I’ll try not to show,
I may appear a whole different person than you think you know,
But if you’ll listen deep inside,
You’ll know, you’ll see,
I’m the same INSIDE and always will be.

Bipolar and Me

2009-01-25T21:04:00.001-07:00

The Revelation of a Condition

The mind is an intricate and delicate organ of great complexity to even those among us claiming to understand or comprehend the inner workings and firing of neurotransmitters. Or perhaps they claim to understand the genetic makeup, heritage factor dealing with personality, or the “class” of personality either through birth order, or childhood experiences
.
Yet I tend to question these stated facts, for they are NOT, they are theories of the mind, theories created and most likely deeply investigated by scientist who are desperately trying to assist or find an answer to such disorders as bipolar or its various forms.

Personally I am inflicted with the condition, which I DO NOT like to call an illness, for I do not believe that it is in the class of illnesses like the common cold, or flu. Firmly I believe that it is a state of being, a form of thinking and thought process, which is merely different. The notice to details beyond the scientific or “normal” eye due to nothing at fault with them barring a mind that is either left or right brained yet not FULLY engaged per say. By that I simply mean that those of us with this condition seem to utilize even the deepest and darkest areas of the brain that is often overridden in today’s society.

With the monetary focus, the insensitivity to anything “outside the box” of their way of believing things should go and being only sensitive to those things they can label, see, touch, and “logically” explain there is no possible way for them to delve into the exceptionality of anyone who doesn’t follow suit.

The answer to most is that medication and only medication can form and mold the person into what THEY believe they should be. What a shame this fact is, and it is a fact, for where would this world, this society, this human race be without the greats that came before us as bipolars' in a very tumultuous world? How would we have dealt without the poets, the artists, the LEADERS, the creators and inventors? If we were all in the same mind and mode of thinking wouldn’t we still be back in the ages of dark, where we can’t see the tree for the forest, the grain of sand for the beach, the intricate dewdrop for the rain?

As a past teacher, for 10 ½ years of science and health, I was FULLY aware of those kids touched with creativity. The ones that placed drawings up the margins of their paper that got them in trouble in other classrooms (much to my chagrin after I found out) and was praised by me as creative and unique. The ones that danced to a different drummer on their answers or their essays offering insight far beyond their years and far deeper than they would ever want another child knowing they went into the mind and heart. The ones that would bring me creations they made from natural objects and things found in nature that few would see as beauty. The ones that others shunned, that other teachers took as rebellious or uninterested in learning, or were in endless trouble day after day in their classrooms due to expressions unique or not following the planned outline they had created. The ones that came to me day after day for understanding, to share, to just vent or express themselves to, often in tears from being tied to the whipping post in various classes and various “cliché’s” of children. They simply did not fit in to the box; they didn’t form to the mold enough.

And now I find myself so in tune with this fact that it often bothers me that I conformed without a second thought. For there is no doubt, I knew at the time that I too was bipolar or touched with something rather different from those around me. For the environment could literally affect my mood and mental stability, the lights were often too bright or too harsh, the noises as if a sonic boom or grating on my actual nerves when hearing another teacher reprimand a child for something not due to bad behavior. I knew that I saw people, yes, actual people about that others had no clue or observation of by gauging their reaction, that I heard voices on a daily basis, that I too had to create either through unique lesson plans and hands on activities or through my own writing, art, or personal at home activities. I knew these things and yet tried to contort to the mold…, which inevitably led to a breakdown upon the bathroom floor. I knew that my MD had told me for almost 10 years that I needed psychiatric help yet I refused to listen, I refused to believe, I simply and matter of fact felt that EVERYONE else was different, that something was MISSING from them. Honestly I cannot say that I don’t feel that way now.

Bipolarism is not a condition to be feared. I have found through years of fighting it and then realizing that the medications and the therapy and the expression through art and creativity, improvisation and noticing intricate details; is NOT a plague. But instead I believe that it is a form of thinking, a form of neuron transmission if you will simply wired differently, simply pulling from the FIRST developed part of our brain and transmitting information from deep within our souls and hearts.

As we know the brain transmits far less neurotransmissions to the heart than the heart does to the brain, therefore how can one call bipolar a curse or a default, when the heart is what is speaking?? Isn’t that what we are suppose to do, be true to our heart and to nature that has been provided for us for a reason that we seem to have forgotten along the path to industrialization to seeking money and goods and “things” that will do nothing but rust, rot and corrode away?

Bipolars’ seem to know the most inner workings of their mind. We know the signals our body is giving us from internally, as deep as it can go. Why is that considered an oddity? Simply because the world has changed into a world of now, me, and what can I get out of this and did you see what they did or were wearing….not the help thy neighbor of days gone by, not the lend you a hand sentimentality when a hand shake meant something, not the creative period when one felt free (thank goodness) to express themselves through creations like Faulkner, Dickinson, Churchill, and oh so many more there is no need to digress on the infamous ones. If one really wants to realize how many surrounded them throughout their lives they will research just how many famous bipolars really walked among them and most likely they admired!

For out here among you are those wearing a mask. And yes we feel we MUST wear a mask. Should you not understand why; rent a movie that involves any kind of crime, read your history on how mental patients with bp were treated right here in the USA and abroad just a few short 50 years ago, look up chat rooms where bps share their experiences of how they have been treated by the masses or media. A stamp of approval is not upon our foreheads NOR do we want one. A magic pill does not exist NOR do we want one. Yes our suicide rate is higher than most DOCUMENTED that is, but what do you suppose the reason for that is?? Could it be society, labeling, stigmatism, osterization, or judgment?? I say cast the first stone, thy with clean hands.

Being diagnosed bipolar has finally let me be who I am without the mask, until I go outside the doors of my safe domain that is. Living in a small town it is “taboo” to have anything that deals with the mind as a diagnosis or a question of sanity. So I wear the mask, although it is heavy, although it weighs upon my body, heart and soul, I do it to satisfy those I come across. If I am not ashamed you ask, why wear it?
To ease the minds of those I come across is the main reason, you see we are utterly and completely aware of our effect on others, we desire …no make that NEED an environment to feel we can be ourselves, we pick up on the reaction of others no matter how hard they try to hide it…call it a sixth sense if you will, call it delusional thinking, or whatever label one would like to put on it. I personally call it blessed. I am blessed with something that yes it will need treatment and I will be on medication the rest of my life, it is NOT curable, and it will be with me always, and yes it will make me a leper among society, yet I do not care about society.

My internal workings are different and MY GOD doesn’t make mistakes, I was meant to follow this path. Be it to create or to offer a different point of view to those I come in contact with. To capture things through my coping skills of writing, drawing, journaling, poetry, photography, beekeeping, or whatever forms it may take; to capture the things that others just don’t see. Such things as the tenderly twisting grapevine tendrils around a branch, the suffocating poison oak that winds its way around the tree ever so dainty with its beautiful leaves, the intricate grains of soil and rock beneath our feet that make up the ground upon which we walk.
These are the things I speak of, the sunset sizzling down the hillside, the moon arising and reflecting that ever present light that we can’t see but know is there. The visions I have that used to scare me, I now realize are visual, auditory, olfactory and sensory hallucinations….but ARE THEY?
Again, another label MAN has created for the things I KNOW I see, the voices that I KNOW I hear beside me, the intricate and delicate touches I feel, the smells that come to me from nowhere, the skin sensations where a hug feels like a punch and the almost instant sense of a persons internal motives and vibrations that they give off.

Call me crazy, call me touched, call me out of whack, or out of sync with this world, I personally consider that a compliment, for have you looked around you lately, NO I mean really looked?? Why would I want to be disjointed into such a form? Bipolarism has touched my life for sure, not in a positive way at first due to again the media of the movie I watched when younger (although I heard the voices then too and just knew this movie was my fate although thank goodness it hasn’t been but it WAS the reason I avoided the psychiatric evaluation I so needed years earlier), One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. The title alone should describe what it did to my psyche and the reason I quickly began to form the mask at such a young age, although over the years I had to change its size as I grew, now full grown I have it handy but have begun to realize that with or without it I am no less a person, deserve no less respect, have no less right not to be proud of myself for my endurance and creations and most importantly a child of GOD than the next individual!!
I will follow that narrow path, duck or hurdle the obstacles in my way, and at the end of the day I’ll thank the LORD above for getting me through and offering me an opportunity to tap into that gold mine of uniqueness and creativity that he has provided.
ctrygirl 08

Just learning so

2009-01-25T20:28:00.002-07:00

sorry if posts like the last one came across as ONE it was really TWO poems that i wrote a while back and just wanted to share...i'll figure it out...tehee..thanks for the patience!
ctrygirl

Perceived or Deceived and Association of the "Norms"

2009-01-25T18:54:00.009-07:00

Perceived or Deceived?

“What exactly is Reality?” I must poignantly ask,
Although I doubt that an answer will easily come to pass.

Is it the voice in YOUR head that you call a conscience?
Or is it the ones in MINE that I call multiple consciences?

Is YOURS a moral, ethical, determinate source?
And MINE is chemicals, oh of course!

Is it the pictures that YOU view in your hand, purposely holding it so that the light is just so; places, pets, and of course of You?
Or is it the “pictures” I see without the aid of a camera without beckoning, it to comes into my view?

Is YOURS a tangent item therefore it IS?
And MINE of course a figment of mental waves, diet or meds, just a mixture of mental fizz?
Oh, of course….I see.

Is what YOU feel tingles and chills, wind blowing through your space, or just a bug whishing across your face?
And MINE would be hallucinations, delusions, or a mental case?

YOUR sensations can be explained?
And MINE must then be feigned?
Oh of course…I see.

Hmmm….I wonder….have you ever felt,
A hand caress your face,
And NOTHING is in its place?

Have you touched the tools of days of old,
And seen so many stories untold?

Have you felt the paper upon which you write,
And get the impression it is so big, it seems like a kite?

Have you stared as a stranger, appears from no where,
As if to tell you something they want to share?

Oh you haven’t sensed these things?
Therefore they are not real,
Oh of course…..i see…..

Unfortunately, I DO SEE,
That you are being a self absorbed ME!!

Not one person has ASKED for your empathy,
Some may have for your sympathy,
But not this one, I can promise you that,
For without that added sensation God has bestowed upon me,
I am not sure that I could clearly see….

Just how self-absorbed the masses are,
With things deemed normal, always walking in a perpetual maze,
Never knowing quite what will be the next craze,
Therefore they must keep up with that.

Forget the ones they pass along the way,
Or those they judge so quickly and send astray,
For the moment is fleeting, their cell phones bleeping
And missing a SINGLE moment of THAT they are NOT seeking.

It is all about the I, about the ME,
About the I WILL NOT have an open mind,
I will stay upon this chosen path, although it’s not mine.

And anything that strays its worn-out, most used trail,
Will be left to fend for itself for REAL.

For whatever would others think, if there were a possibility,
That there are some, ( just perchance), beside them, in their innermost circles!!!
That perceives the world differently, don’t conform, and yet not deemed un-NORMAL?
Again a word left to perception….or is it deception??

Reality?
Normality?
Deception?
Perception?
WHOSE IS LACKING?
WHOSE IS TOO FULL?
AND WHOSE CUP RUNNETH OVER??

Ctrygirl 11/07

Association of the NORMS

Who or What determines NORMAL??
Of this I so need to know,
For I’ve read the bible 7 times: to and fro,
And I’ve never recalled reading it there.

Perhaps it is my obsession with the actions of those inside those pages...
That captured my attention like cages,
But I certainly cannot recall,
GOD telling me to be NORMAL, at ALL???

Oh but others, Now THEY tell me so,
They tell me what I should say and know,
They tell me what is disorder and what is not,
How to tell the difference regardless of what’s in my heart.

Society SHOWS me with their actions,
Just how normal is accepted in all of today’s fashion.

Be it shopping, public involvement, church pews to fill,
Conversing on the phone, or just when to sit still.

But somehow I don’t seem to fit the mold,
Something must be broken I’m told,
For I get overwhelmed and panic inside a store
And I’m not able to take crowds anymore.

I see who sits poignantly, proudly, and puffed up on the pews,
That might be religion and faithfulness to YOU.
But to ME it's quite different you see,
here, right here, under the oak tree just the bible and me. (and GOD)

The phone seems confining, and I rarely sit still,
it’s true and not of free will.

But I have my own reasoning, here in MY head,
Whose to say YOURS is right instead?

I don’t like the materialism of this world at all,
So why would I go shopping at the local mall?

I lived half …well over half…of my life in the public eye supreme,
Perhaps my dogmatic approach to reach that has seemed,
An easy task for me from afar, but little did you know the nights of burning oil,
Of sleepless WEEKS no matter how hard I tried to rest,
But perhaps not knowing is best.

Noises on the phone seemed so intensified at times, others I misunderstand, can’t hear the words spoken,
Yet I’m supposed to like talking when I can’t see the mouth working?

Sitting still I can do if you talk of location,
But limb, body or mind are at all times engaged,
expressing words, depression, or rage,
Or simply keeping me in place.

It’s not something I control or often even realize is upon me
This so many fail to see,
For they experience the interruptions, the lost conversations,
The staring, the fast speaking, and pulled back relations.

So instead of discovering what it’s all about?
Oh no, they simply place doubt.

Instead, they ostracized through their talks and all their lies,
Their false documentaries, lumping one into many,
Affecting so many innocent lives.

But there is one that is openly and shockingly
Watching their actions from afar,
As I study from the mountain near the sky, right under the Northern star.

And learning of how human kind should be,
Nothing like half the things I read,
not a fifth of what I see.

But then again, I’M not NORMAL….
Thank you Dearest Lord,
For I and others like me,
Ours must be the Cups that runneth over…..

ctrygirl 08